Cadbury Egg

When you bite into a Cadbury egg, you have to jab your teeth in and push really hard. It's not an easy task to break through in order to get to the oozing part. Maybe this is why I don't like Cadbury eggs. It hurts to get to the middle, and when you do get to the oozy part, it is too sweet, too sticky, and too much.

I believe I can compare myself to a Cadbury egg. I can be tough, like the outer chocolate shell. Sometimes people have to dig really deep with me and it hurts. Once you make it to the center, it spills out fast and I think people quickly discover my toughness, is really not that tough. More over, it is easier to express toughness and strength for me. I am much more uncomfortable and inexperienced to explain pain, sadness, and vulnerability. I need lessons on how to speak sad, because when I try, I am inarticulate and sometime do more damage.

I have a lot of anxiety. I hide it by being tough and strong, but it is to my fault. Tough can look abrasive, and strong can look ridged. But please know, I am going for tough and strong, not the latter. The latter can be hurtful, and when it all comes down to it, I truly do not want to be hurtful. My oozing part, longs for the anxiety to go away, and for a happy medium to be created. Balance.

I am going to an event today for a dear, dear friend. I adore her and I truly could not be happier for her and watching her bask in happiness is a privilege. Unfortunately, there is a cloud of anxiety as I prepare for this event. I hurt people there and they hurt me. We are both at fault, and the unfairness stings. I am trying not to be the chocolate shell and appear harsh, because really, I am just hurt. I believe our hurt is similar.

C'est la vie I suppose.