I have the feeling as if nothing is going anywhere. My school, job, everything is on pause. Why? It might be because I have been on fast-paced auto-pilot for the last semester and now that it is over, life feels slow. Or, it might be that now that everything has slowed down, I am now able to understand just how mundane and blah my life is right now.
Fact: My job is going now where, literally. As of September, I have no job.
Fact: I still have one more grueling year of school that requires SO much time driving that I contemplate skipping and stopping by one of the several casinos I pass on my way down to my educational nowhere, called Lacey.
Fact: Boyfriend and I have the itch to move, do something more, but we cannot. Not because there isn't anywhere that interests us, but because we have NO money whatsoever to make us more happy with where we are. Everyone around us is moving on and up and we are stuck. Nothing bugs me more than two educated, capable, and motivated people without options because of money.
Fact: I want so badly to be successful and not worry about money. I hate saying this, but I would be so much happier if that was one thing I didn't have to worry about.
Final Fact: I am very, VERY blessed. I have people that love me and I love them. I have a home that is filled with laughter and kindness. I have two very adorable kitties that are the sweetest as can be. My family is glorious and life would be incomplete without them. I have constant love and support from Dave who is kind and respectful beyond words. My friends are friends that stories could be written about. They are tough, loving, and awe inspiring. I am lucky.
Stagnation sparks frustration, anger, and boredom. I am not ungrateful, just hoping for more.
When does the "more" begin?
4 comments:
And this is why God created Paris. A time to refresh, refocus, regroup. I have felt what you are feeling. It comes from racing so fast - and then having a lull... it feels to still. Alice said" Running twice as fast to stay in the same place."
Have patience, My Precious. You are where you should be. Just breathe. I am so proud of what you have done with your opportunities.
Alice is right
Tay life has big things in store for you and I have zero doubts you will find success and fullfillment in your chosen career and life path... (did i just use the term "life path?" LOL) If being a student and sustaining a student's life was easy everyone would have master's degrees... but it's not easy. It's tough and there are so many distractions along the way. I bet when you get to that finish line and graduate it will all be worth it and you'll experience a rush of momentum in your life moving forward.
Not that we need to compare our lives always with others...but look where you are at! My God, Taylor, you have accomplished so much and have aspirations to do so much more. That's huge. Be proud of yourself, you know I can't describe the glow I get when I see what you are doing and what you are contributing to society. They are the lucky ones, like me.
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