Wrong Message.

"May the best man win." This phrase makes me wrinkle my nose and say, "ugh." What does it mean? If you win you are a better person? I am less of a person because I didn't win? What a terrible message!

I have heard this said in treatment and I am flabbergasted that anyone in their right mind would suggest these "encouraging" words to anyone in treatment. Imagine this: a single mother who is struggling with 3 children and suffering from an addiction. (This is a VERY common client that I see almost daily.) So this woman goes into treatment, and in her support group, one of her therapist ends the meeting with, "May the best man win!" I use this example, because I just encountered it this past week. She leaves feeling great, but unfortunately, in recovery, people often have a few slip-ups on the road to sobriety. So she comes back into treatment after abusing a substance, defeated, ashamed, and depressed, all of which perpetuate further abuse. I am not suggesting that she is not responsible for her actions, but I believe as a therapist, we are responsible for ours as well. It may "just be words," but her therapist told her that if she didn't win the fight against her drug of choice, she is less of a person for it. Now that just sucks. This is just one of many examples.

I have heard this phase said to a group of kids playing t-ball. Really? A coach is going to tell a bunch of kindergartners that if you win at T-BALL, you are the best. [Cue my wrinkled nose and "ugh."] Not everything is a race or competition! What ever happened to pacing yourself!?!? If you come in second, then great! If you come in 10th, then great!

You finished.

You completed something.

You accomplished something.

We have no right to place judgment on others accomplishments and decided whether or not they hold value.

With that, I will step down from my box and you no longer have to call me Norma Rae.