My Moment

Morgan wanted me to comment on what I remember as my moment from her wedding, this is it. When I turned and walked down the isle with Seth I just about lost it. Us girls had been in sequester since the morning and hadn't seen the transformation that the barrel room had experienced...I was overwhelmed. The day had finally come. Our year of wedding was commencing and I was going to watch my sister REALLY leave our nest and make her own nest with Tyler. I started to cry. Just when I got situated into my spot at the front, Judge asked everyone to rise. I got a bit confused and frustrated for that moment because they (the guests) were blocking my view. As she came into focus, my heart melted. My sister, my big sister, was walking towards her future. I tried to stifle my sobs so that no one would think I was too obnoxious, but I gave up. Then, she looked at me. It was but a glance but it was a look I have seen thousands of times. This look is the equivalent of her asking, "Do I look alright?" I cried harder and she smiled. The ceremony went on and I calmed myself down a bit and just as Judge announced my sister as someone new, she did it again. She went in to grab her bouquet from me and for a second the world stopped. Her eyes said it all. She knew. She knew how hard this was for me and how happy I was for her. Her eyes had understanding and bliss in them. I have never seen her like this before, but I am so glad she took a moment to let me into her happiness. And just like it came, the moment was gone and she was walking away. 

I don't mean to sound dramatic and of course these are all interpretations of how this all went down for me. For all I know Morgan might have been looking and hinting at something caught in my teeth, but for my moment that is what it meant to me. 

Most of the night was a blur of wine, music, and twinkling lights, but I will remember the way my sister looked, smiled, and laughed. These are the moments I will remember.

Faults of Faux

Ever since I got spray tanned on Tuesday night, my life has revolved around not upsetting the tan. Example: I have an itch on my leg. Do I itch it? NO!!! I am deathly nervous that my tan will scratch off. The girl at the London House (P.S. The only reason I like London thus far) told me that once the top layer of my skin is rubbed off or disturbed, my tan will be gone! I don't think she told me this to frighten me, but I have had nightmares about rubbing or scratching my skin and ending up looking like a mangy calico cat for the wedding. On the up side, I love being so tan with out much effort....other than not touching, sitting, scratching, moving, or any other skin touching activity. Furthermore, I had my touch up tonight and I am again fretting about my rubbing and touching. I even considered sleeping in a different bed from Da because we have two queens in our Camp Wedding suite. Then I (When I mean "I" I mean "We" because once I shared this idea with him he rolled his eyes and said, "Um, whatever Tay. It's just a tan.") realized I was ridiculous and I'm letting skin dye dictate my choices. This is stupid. I curse you spray tan....but please look good for Sunday:)

Raising Will

While packing for the upcoming sisterly nuptials, I was petting my ever-curious suitcase kitties and noticed that Fluffy had his first mat since being shaved. After I finished selecting my weekend Hanky Panky, I got my Furrminator out and brushed away. After 4 fists of hair and plenty of non-threatening growing from the Fluff, we were done and I put him on the ground with his brother. Cue Will's transformation from cutie to a combo of Ted Bundy and Charles Manson. He acted like he had never met Fluff before and promptly started to growl and bite Fluffy on the back. Dave told Will to knock it off and, I kid you not, Ted/Charles (Will) looked at him, pulled his ears back and smacked Fluffy in the face while looking unblinkingly at Dave. YIKES!!! I let them hash it out a bit to see what was up, and wouldn't you know, my Fluffy does have a brain. It was like a light clicked and he was like, "WTF man. BACK OFF ME!!! My mom just tore the living hell out of my fur and I don't need your bull shit right now." He smacked Will right back and hard. He stood up on his little hind legs and just like the Kitty Chow commercial, he let Will have it. He was boxing with Will's whiskers and watching this power shift moment was quite thrilling. Will had NO idea that Fluffy had it in him!! WAY TO GO FLUFF!!!! I loved every minute of it, until Fluffy started to back up and cower under the coffee table. Show was over for Fluff. Meanwhile, Helter-Skelter had puffy tail, Halloween back, and sound like some kind of safari animal. I backed him away from Fluff and tried to calm him and again, right before my eyes, he transitioned into a loving and adorable cat again. What is wrong with him you ask? I'm not positive, but it feels a bit like raising a serial killer.

In the Dark

I am finding myself in the dark about EVERYTHING lately. Can someone please turn the lights on?

Night Show

I have been getting terrible sleep lately. I wake up at least 3 times during the night. Last night,  woke up at 12:05, 3:22, and 4:50. All of which were to blame on my ever-noisy cats. I wish I could bottle up what they do whilst my eyes are closed for you all to experience, unfortunately I must try and describe this in words. Okay, picture this. Close your eyes for the true experience. Oh, wait then you can't read.....umm, nevermind. Scratch the closed eyes. Anyway, my eyes cracked open for the first time to this funky sound and a meow from Will. He doesn't usually meow much unless he is A) out of food, B) out of food, or C) high on cat nip. I woke up knowing that I had feed them and he wasn't on drugs, so my mind went into panic mode. I frantically jerked awake and inspected the apartment for signs of him. After 2 rounds in the apartment and no luck  and was about to wake Dave up, I saw him underneath my sheets trying to start a game I like to call, "sheet freak." Sheet Freak is when he goes under the sheets and likes to attack everything that moves. He peaks his head out and looks to make sure your watching and backs up only to tear your hand to shreds. It's really cute once you get past the pain and the creepy look in his eyes. Anyway, once I found him, I swore at him and then tried to cuddle. Being the ass that he is, he looked at me like I was the purple-people eater and promptly left. I tossed and turned until I was awaken again at 3:22 by Fluffy's scratching. He does this thing where in order to get our attention he scratches oh so gently at ANYTHING. It drives me nuts! This was not one of those habits that I thought was adorable when he was a kitten and now scorn myself every time he does it now. NO, I have always hated this habit. Nonetheless, it forced me out of bed to find out where he was and what he was scratching. I know what you are thinking, close the bedroom door, I can't people, Fluffy will scratch at the door until it is open and Will will force the thing open with his huge man ass. Thus, I find him looking adorable as ever in the bathroom, his favorite room, scratching at the tub, his favorite item. I tried to be mad, but he flopped unto his tummy looking adorable and so snugly and when I went in to touch this sacred area, he venus fly-trapped his belly with my hand inside and bit my knuckles. UGH! Again, I got in bed for some more tossing and turning to wake up AGAIN to mystery scratching. I got up to investigate and I found the two of them in their bathroom, otherwise known as our office. When using the lavatories, Fluffy is in there for at least 15 minutes,  I kid you not. He scratches of five minutes before he finds the perfect spot in the 1.5X1 box and then does his business. He then takes 2 minutes to poo and then takes 8 minutes to cover his waste. I have timed him. But it is not just scratching at the litter, no no no, its scratching at the sides of the box, the top of the box, the outside of the box, anywhere that can make noise, he will scratch it. I don't have any idea why he does this.  Meanwhile, Will is fixated in front of the box as an audience to the scratch and sniff show. I giggled momentarily and then realized how ridiculous they were and went to bed. Thus, my night was filled with cat-chaos and I have no idea what to do about them. The scratching is getting so off the wall that I will soon be without any sleep and without any fun. 

Kids I Don't Like.

The top 5 characteristics I do NOT like in children (and often adults) 5 years old and above:

1)  Those without any manners. Really people how hard is it to teach your kid to say please and thank you. Additionally, a child should NEVER interrupt unless there is an emergency including any of the following: blood, broken bone, big foot or a natural disaster. Otherwise you say excuse me and if you are not acknowledged, wait or move on.

2) Children who talk to you in an awkward and annoying voice that is not like their real voice in any way. Doing this reminds me that you are a child and that you are in fact SO immature that you cannot handle talking to those around you. If you so choose to speak in any other tone of voice than your natural voice, I advise you to not speak at all.

3) Cry-babies. Children that insist on crying over every last thing drives me nuts. Parents: teach your kids to grow a backbone. I guarantee that having their Lego wheel taken away will not compare to when they are caught boozing in high school, or being hazed in college, or when they realize that they have to pay back all of their college loans. You are setting them up for constant and forever failure. Do them a favor, teach them to suck it up.

4) Tattle-Tails. Not just telling on their friends because they legitimately got smacked in the face, but the consistent telling of insignificant facts. Example: Child A tells on child B because child C took child B's marker. WHO THE FUCK CARES!!!!! Really? Why does this matter? My only response other than the statement above that doesn't seem to play over well with parents is, worry about you. I can't stand this kid, and I encourage them to smack their faces into windows.

5) Finally, the kid that never listens. I hate to repeat myself 5 times let alone 50 times. Some kids require 2-4 times of reminders, but after that, you are out of chances my little friends. Why can't parents be consistent with their kids so that when they are in the care of others, their lack of parenting doesn't make others feel the urge to lock them in little rooms? I despise this trait in kids because they grow up from little shits to big shits that everyone else has to deal with because their parents thought it would be "fun" to have kids even when they had no idea how to raise them.

On a separate list, I despise stupid parents almost more than I despise stupid children. Parents, listen up! Treat your kids respectfully and they will do the same to you. Expect manners and listening. If they don't listen to that, don't be scared to parent them and force results. I am not implying any sort of physical parenting whatsoever, it is not necessary, in fact it doesn't work, but get involved, PARENT THEM. They don't know how to be little people on their own. They are begging you to show them how to be and you MUST guide them for the sake of all of us bystanders!!

P.S. Work was hard today.