Night Show

I have been getting terrible sleep lately. I wake up at least 3 times during the night. Last night,  woke up at 12:05, 3:22, and 4:50. All of which were to blame on my ever-noisy cats. I wish I could bottle up what they do whilst my eyes are closed for you all to experience, unfortunately I must try and describe this in words. Okay, picture this. Close your eyes for the true experience. Oh, wait then you can't read.....umm, nevermind. Scratch the closed eyes. Anyway, my eyes cracked open for the first time to this funky sound and a meow from Will. He doesn't usually meow much unless he is A) out of food, B) out of food, or C) high on cat nip. I woke up knowing that I had feed them and he wasn't on drugs, so my mind went into panic mode. I frantically jerked awake and inspected the apartment for signs of him. After 2 rounds in the apartment and no luck  and was about to wake Dave up, I saw him underneath my sheets trying to start a game I like to call, "sheet freak." Sheet Freak is when he goes under the sheets and likes to attack everything that moves. He peaks his head out and looks to make sure your watching and backs up only to tear your hand to shreds. It's really cute once you get past the pain and the creepy look in his eyes. Anyway, once I found him, I swore at him and then tried to cuddle. Being the ass that he is, he looked at me like I was the purple-people eater and promptly left. I tossed and turned until I was awaken again at 3:22 by Fluffy's scratching. He does this thing where in order to get our attention he scratches oh so gently at ANYTHING. It drives me nuts! This was not one of those habits that I thought was adorable when he was a kitten and now scorn myself every time he does it now. NO, I have always hated this habit. Nonetheless, it forced me out of bed to find out where he was and what he was scratching. I know what you are thinking, close the bedroom door, I can't people, Fluffy will scratch at the door until it is open and Will will force the thing open with his huge man ass. Thus, I find him looking adorable as ever in the bathroom, his favorite room, scratching at the tub, his favorite item. I tried to be mad, but he flopped unto his tummy looking adorable and so snugly and when I went in to touch this sacred area, he venus fly-trapped his belly with my hand inside and bit my knuckles. UGH! Again, I got in bed for some more tossing and turning to wake up AGAIN to mystery scratching. I got up to investigate and I found the two of them in their bathroom, otherwise known as our office. When using the lavatories, Fluffy is in there for at least 15 minutes,  I kid you not. He scratches of five minutes before he finds the perfect spot in the 1.5X1 box and then does his business. He then takes 2 minutes to poo and then takes 8 minutes to cover his waste. I have timed him. But it is not just scratching at the litter, no no no, its scratching at the sides of the box, the top of the box, the outside of the box, anywhere that can make noise, he will scratch it. I don't have any idea why he does this.  Meanwhile, Will is fixated in front of the box as an audience to the scratch and sniff show. I giggled momentarily and then realized how ridiculous they were and went to bed. Thus, my night was filled with cat-chaos and I have no idea what to do about them. The scratching is getting so off the wall that I will soon be without any sleep and without any fun.