My Grandma gave me a picture about 3 years ago. It was given during one of her sessions of, "I'm going to be gone one day, so tell me what you would like..." In the past I brushed her off and she of course came at me ten-fold as the years progressed. So, three years ago I finally had an answer. She was shocked that I finally had come up with something of hers that I wanted.
I wanted photos. Not just any photos, but photos of her happy days. Photos of her childhood, of her and my Grandpa's courtship, of her young marriage, the births of her girls, I wanted those photos.
All my life she told me about her overwhelming sorrow that her broken marriage brings her. When she talks about Cherry Hill, Hops fields, peaches, Burger Master, Neal, or Yakima Valley, her world lights up. She goes on and on about her past and she wanted so much for Mrs. Smith and I to be a part of it. She spoke of such a rich, and rooted place where all of her beginnings sprouted. I want a part of that.
When she asked me year after year, I wanted to find the essence of my Grandma. I wanted a part of her that was her life's work, her passion, and where she felt the most bliss. I believe it is in those years long ago, captured in the hills, the orchards, and the soil of Eastern Washington.
The photos of her years are the things I will cherish most. She shared her memories and brought me to her past, then we picked lilacs. She is my Grammy and she only has months to fill in the holes that I desperately need to know. Her past is my past and we share the love of where we came from and the fear of where we are to go. I still need to see her as a "vision of purple," in my wedding (that she is convinced will happen, but sadly no), and the events she longs for, but she will miss. She is the only "active-in-my-life" Grandma...what are we to do without her?
She and I looked through at least 5 photo albums that day. I scoured each and everyone and squeezed every drop of information out of each one. When I came to this one, I froze and smiled. She smiled, a sad smile, but one that brought her back to that moment. With each deep breath she took, I knew, I wanted that one. She knew as well. She told me, "Now that's a good one to want. Never was their a better day, a better time, or a better young man. Yup, that is a good one to want."
As I write this, my dropping tears are like years she will miss. The photo that will bring me back to ground and remember where and who I came from is one of my Grammy and Grandpa. Time has changed this picture to the perfect tone of sepia. The backdrop is the Yakima Fair. There are rides and stands a plenty and fun to be had by all. But, no matter, because the couple in this backdrop, only have eyes for each other. Mary Lou and Neal stare at each other unfailingly hand in hand. My lanky, tall Grandpa smiles down at her in his relaxed jeans and slicked back hair. My Grandma, appears to be laughing at some nonsense my Grandpa just said, because no smile has even looked more wide, real, or brilliant. She is shorter and curvy with her relaxed fair attire. They fit. Their bliss was one to be envious of. This photo is the only thing I want. It says everything and nothing at all.
8 comments:
I wish Grammy could know how much that special time meant to you and to Grandpa how much you could do the same with him...she loves you like none other!
Tay
I've read your blog from time to time, I've laughed, cried and gotten upset. I am sorry to hear about Mary, she is still very special to me. But if I am not mistaken you have two other grandparents? I'm sure that they would love to hear from the both of you. My mother, your grandmother is aslo not doing well. Your grandmother and grandfather love you both very much, hell they would open there arms to your mother too. All I am saying is to give them a call, not for me, for them, they love you two very much. Remember, life is short, use it wisely.
Love Dad
Tay
I read your thought now and then, Sometimes I laugh and sometimes I cry but this one makes me a little upset. For starters I am very sorry to hear about Mary, she's still very dear to me. I am upset about the 2 other grandparents that you have. My mother/your grandmother,she is also not doing very well. Your other grandparents love you very much too. I know they would love to hear from the both of you, there isn't a time that goes by when I'm there for diner that they don't ask if I have heard from you. We both know that that is not going to happen. I remember your mom and I stopping in to see grandpa Walt every now and then and I know to this day how happy it made him. Life is very short Tay choose your time on earth very wisely. I love the both of you very much.
Dad
I'm glad you read my blog. I feel like this is all I can do at this point, to reach out to certain people in my life. I hope you continue to read, and know that I do not edit or compromise anything that I write for anyone. If I have nothing else, I am still honest. I hope you can respect that...
I know Grandma and Grandpa love me and I them, but it is a complex and difficult relationship. I have to leave it at that.
Tay
Dave, please do not lecture Taylor (or I for that matter) on using our time on earth "wisely." Trust me, we understand this concept and embrace it daily. Reaching out with Betty and Ray goes both ways. They have our phone numbers, too. There is no animosity towards them by any stretch of the imagination and we have always wished them well. So much focus is on what Taylor and I don't do and how we don't do enough. We did reach out, attempted to maintain a relationship. It appears to be as simple as too much time as passed. Our continued thoughts are with Betty and Ray as always.
Dave - Amazing that you have been able to put a dark cloud over this lovely tribute that Taylor has shared with her family and friends who love her and her grandmother. Save it for another time and place...or never and keep these critical accusations to yourself so my daughter can have peace and comfort with her relationship with Grammy and feel safe to express these feelings without recourse.
Lori and Morgan
There is no respect to Mary, if you do not want any responce to any of this don't put it on the internet. Easys.
Tay you are the only one that makes sence. Thank you. It's about FAMILY and only FAMILY. Lori I have nothing against you, Morgan don't know why you are so angry. Live love get on with it.
I understand your need to engage in conversation on the internet, because it is the only conversation you get, but enough please. Although this is a public blog, I don’t need it to become something like this...this was not my intention. When I posted about my grandma it was because I was deeply sad and needing an outlet. I was NOT looking for all of this unwanted rhetoric. You have no right to lecture my mother or my sister on my blog. Make your own, find your own outlet, but this is mine and my space.
Your words hurt in a time of existing pain. Please, just give us a reprieve for now. No one can prevent anyone from being present anywhere, but again, give us and my grandmother the courtesy of not making this about you. If nothing else, remember this.
Sometimes I wonder how to explain things to you in a different way than the thousands of ways explained before. But, I come back to the basic, please let us be, please. No one is seeking you out, being negative towards you, or trying to initiate anything. We respect your space and please respect ours. We know your pain, because we too have it as well, yet we are not exhibitionists about it. So, again, please let it be and not make this more than it needs to be.
This is already more time than I was interested spending making this blog posting about anyone else but my grandma. Honor her and if you would like to further post comments, I request that they be only about lovely memories and comments about her.
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