Calling in the Troops!

I need help. I am struggling with what seems like a thousand life changing decisions in one week and I am in full panic mode. I have boiled the information down and here the big dilemma I have come up with where I need opinions and words from the wise.

Do I continue with school and finish the ESA certification program? (school counseling)

The reason I am considering NOT doing this is the following:

The person who run this program, also my advisor, is the most difficult person to get a hold of. He doesn't return emails, he doesn't return phone calls, and he certainly is not at his office when you would think he needs to be. With all of this in mind, he only wants to communicate through email which is infuriating, because a lot needs to be said that I feel an email cannot do justice. Additionally, each time I am frustrated about his communication, I call my old program director at home (he gives all of his students his home phone because he says "Anything that has to do with your educational future is an emergency that I am fully invested in. Therefore, my home phone is extended to you because I pledge to be there, always." That was literally on my welcome letter to that program. I love him. I call my old department head because the programs have since blended and he can "help" but not really get things moving in the direction I need.

Anyway, I asked him what to do, and he suggested that I go straight to the Dean and work from there. So, I called her assistant and was met with a lot of resistance, but an appointment was made. Later that afternoon, the appointment was cancelled and I was directed to contact my advisor (man who does nothing). I told her that I haven't heard from him since May and that getting ahold of him should be a full-time job. She assured me he would get back to me and finally, he did. Sadly, nothing was really resolved and he has yet to respond to my response.

The main reason for getting ahold of him was to discuss my next 2 semesters. I had 4 classes left to take and wanted to plan out when I would be taking them. One of the classes, Intro to Guidance and Counseling, I thought I could waive, but he informed me that "it is too informative to miss out on." Really? Is it more informative then say, the MASTERS IN COUNSELING I ALREADY HAVE?????? I presented to him, in one of the many unanswered emails, suggestions for this class like independent study, working off of the syllabus regarding information that might be new to me, coming to each class, but not paying for it, lots of choices....

Either way, he said no to all of them. Here is where it get tricky. I have used up all of my MA financial aid that is allotted. Therefore, I go back to undergraduate status to receive fin. aid and they will only give me $5,000 for the year. That means, that I will be taking 6 classes to complete this training and paying for it out of pocket, minus the $5,000. My running total will be approximately $14,000 up front to the school. Not shockingly, I don't have $14,000 that I am willing to just give to school. Hence, I was begging the department head to just not charge me for the class, but I will still go. Nope, he still denied me.

Dave and I have come up with a plan to pay for most of it including him taking more money from his school and me using some of my savings, but with this added class, I am getting nervous. There are 2 classes that I can potentially waive in the spring, but I still have yet to hear back from my advisor on whether that will happen or not. I want to meet with him so I can get a guarantee that I can waive those classes, because then I can afford to pay out of pocket. If I don't get that guarantee, I don't think I can afford this program....actually, I know I can't.

Alas, I am at my wits end. I don't know how to move forward. If I don't do the program, I have to start paying off my loans in December, but I don't have a job yet, so I am really apprehensive about getting prepared to start my payments without income. But, I cannot afford to do this program, and get the job I really want, whilst battling my advisor for the next year. This communication style has really put me off of this program.

What to do? What to do?

I could do this program in a year when maybe I have a job, and let time restraints. I don't know.

Give me your advice, and if something doesn't make sense above, ask. I really need some serious discussion as to how to move forward. Thanks.

Special Birthday Guest

It's Dave's 26th birthday, so we are writing this together, you know, a "featured" guest!

Dave's highlights of the night:

1) Tay says, "Oh boy, I had a glass and a half and I'm a bit buzzed. We don't go out enough."

2)Watching a girl eating next to us with her super hot boyfriend and she is eating NOTHING. Seriously, nothing. He is eating steak and all sorts of other stuff and she is picking at his food and pushing her food around her plate. She eats the smallest salad, so we start talking for her and making up their conversation. Example:

Skinny Bitch: "Oh I am just ate so much, I am stuffed.

Hot Boy: "I am so glad you don't eat very much because I like my ladies lookin' like bones"

Skinny Bitch: "I look like bones?! Gee, thanks:)"

3) When we assume the guy next to us is cheating on his wife and brought a weird and loud mistress instead. Actually, they were doctor friends out for his birthday. We are assholes.

Tay's higlights of the night:

1) Dave says about our relationship: "We are like old news, you know. Old news, but good news like a baby panda being born." or "We are like a 'Friends' re-run. Unexpected, but so great once you really get into it and they leave you wanting more and more. A classic really."

2) Watching Dave resist the urge to mimic accents of those around him....it's really funny to watch.

3) Driving home, holding hands, windows down and "Hurt so Good" being sung so loud that it sounds like we are screaming.

Concluding quotes:

Dave:

"Tay, don't look at that guys with the 2 black eyes, he might start a fight."

"Oh God, even we were that young we never made out like that in front of our parents. Morgan, yes, parents, no."

Tay:

"I have celebrated your birthday 6 times now and every year I cannot imagine celebrating your next without us being as happy as we were the year before. You make me think of the year to come in a uplifting and anxious kind of way. How exciting that you let me spend this 26th year with you."

Happy Birthday Dave!

Brag Page

Okay, I have to brag about my AMAZING boyfriend!!!! Boyfriend took 2 MBA classes this semester, business law and accounting something-or-the-other. Anyway, he had projects and finals in both classes and he called me this morning to report the results of his first class!!!

Get ready....

100% on his project-class average was 84%

92% on his final-class average was 82%

That's right, my boyfriend is a superstar!!!!!! I couldn't be more excited and proud of him. Seriously, I am beaming with cup-runith-over pride and joy.

I love you sweet Dave and always knew you would do amazing at this. I cannot wait to see what the next 8 quarters have in store for you and WOW, do I love being around you and your wonderfulness:)

PS He is so good looking in this photo that it make my tummy flutter and heart hurt. I hope that is normal:)

Purebred Payback

Oh, Mr. Darcy. I mean, Fluff. He is sick...again. Yesterday I came home from meeting with clients that have such a laundry list of issues that I sat with the mother and talked about the weather for 20 minutes. She said, "Hold on, can we talk about something adults would talk about then we can talk about my family. I feel like I only yell at my kids and I just want one conversation today to be about nothing to do with them. Am I a selfish Mom for that?" No, she isn't.

Anyway, I came home and Fluff has some serious drippy eye. It is like a mini-Niagara. His precious little eye-lids are all swollen and he looks like a pirate because he keeps it closed. Sad story Fluff.

I found a cat-only cat clinic up the road we are going check out since the really convenient one across the street is full of a bunch of crazies, as I found out when Georgia decided to jump a deck while Mama was out of town. Ugh.

Anyway, Fluff is going there today to check what his pureblood-Persian-inbred-self has this time. Wish us luck and a happy Friday to you all.

EP, for some reason the second I have down time and clearing my head, I am thinking of you. Don't know why, but I hope all is well and I am sending every good thought I have left from this week to you. Give the "two" a snuggle for me and lets chat soon. XOX to you.

Here's What's Up.

I don't think I blog enough about how much I love my family. We are a team of ladies. Not just your average ladies, but super-human ladies. We roll with each others punches, we work together, we cry, we laugh, we laugh more, and we love. We treat each other with compassion, we get carried away, we try too hard, and we fumble. But, when it comes down to it, I have no doubt these people are the reason why I wake up knowing I am luckier for being surrounded by them, and I am a happier person because we choose to be a part of each other's lives.

My Mama is our forgiver. At first glance you think it is to her fault, but then you realize it is her gift. No matter what, my Mama can find the good and work harder than ever to make that good shine. When you are around her, she makes you feel like she is the luckiest to be around you. My Mama makes the best parts of me shine.

My Annie is my best friend and my companion, but most of all, she is our

logic. She brings everyone back down from our emotional escapades and puts the facts at hand in the forefront. The best lesson I have learned from her is to stand back, analyze, lead with what you have observed, and stay true to whatever you believe in. I think she is the reason I am a therapist because I loved mastering the art of stepping back and reflecting, as does she.

Awww Sissy. My Mrs. Smith is a force. She is the strength of us and pushes everyone forward. Her strength manifests itself in every way possible. She has strength in her convictions, she has strength in the way she loves, and she has strength in the way she backs you up. Whatever the issue is, you want Sissy's strength behind you because she is a beautiful and graceful ball of oomph. There is a passion to her strength that makes you want to pull up a chair and watch for hours. Sheer brilliance really.

All Thing Related

I didn't get the job at my internship site. Not because I didn't rock the interview or because they didn't love me, because there is currently a hiring freeze on the position I desperately want. Boo. And to make matters worse, everyone at SMH has come up to me saying I would have been perfect and my supervisor said, "Bummer, and we had already decided on hiring you for the job!" Double boo. Anyway, because I don't have a job and I only have my internship for 15 hours a week, I have plenty of extra time to make God knows what from scratch.

What's been cookin' at my house:

Blueberry muffins

French Vanilla Ice Cream

Chocolate Ice Cream

Turkey Burgers

Coffee Cake Muffins

Corn Bread

Chicken Meatballs

Potstickers

(Please give me more ideas of things I can make because I don't think it is a safe idea for me to make my way through the entire frozen desserts section of my Test Kitchen cookbook. Thanks)

When I am bored or have extra time, I cook. When I cook, I get fat. When I get fat, I get sad. It's a vicious cycle really, and I think I will blame it on my internship site because they can't budget correctly, therefore they have frozen a position I am perfect for. On that note, I will continue the vicious cycle and finnish making my chocolate and peanut covered frozen bananas.

Enjoy your weekend and I am sure to return with some entertaining stories as Dave and I are going put-put golfing tonight and hiking Cougar Mt. tomorrow morning:)

A New Kind of Mad

Dude, Dave and I went to work out this morning at 7am...I know right, me? Yes way! Anyway, we come home sweaty and smelling like serious ass when I am blasted by the smell of cigarettes in the apartment. Ugh.

Background information:

For about the last 4 months, since our downstairs neighbor moved in, we have had the distinct wafting nastiness of cigarette smell coming into our apartment. Since it's summer and 70+ degrees everyday, our back slider is always open to let in a nice cross breeze in and let the kitties roam. Unfortunately, at least 3 times a day we have to sprint to the door and quickly close all of the windows so the smell doesn't permeate our lungs and furniture. I cannot do my annoyance level justice. I want to crawl down and freak on these people.

Here's the thing, I made sure we found an apartment where we could have our cats and be honest to our landlord. I would understand if this wasn't a cat friendly complex and someone told on me because they were allergic or just plain didn't like cats (Which I don't understand these people at all, because really, who really doesn't like cats?) Anyway, it would be my own fault if I got in trouble for not seeking out a place to live where cats are allowed and risking getting in trouble because I broke the rules. SAME GOES FOR THESE SMOKERS, IT'S NOT ALLOWED HERE!!!!! I am sure you all can find a place that lets you roast your insides and where you don't bother your healthy neighbors. Why is it that I have to be the tattle-tail (which I don't mind being so long as I get results, which I have yet to see) and these people can't follow the rules? I am, so they should!

Either way, Dave and I have told on them more that a 1st grader tells on the kid who peed his pants. I am just about feed up with this, but I don't know what else to do. Mrs. Smith, can they be evicted because of this? What else can I do?

Meanwhile, I hope you all enjoy your day and think of me as you breath clean air while I consider getting a gas mask.

Youz a liar, Mama

When I was growing up, I would hear one of these three phrases over and over and over daily from my sweet Mama:

1. "Stop biting your nails!" or this variation "Get your hands out of your mouth!"

2. "Oh you are definitely going to college, and grad school too!"

3. "Lucky for you, I don't have a stretch mark on me. You'll be thanking me when you give birth because you will bounce back with not a mark on you."

Well, I stopped biting my nails, thank-you-very-much, and I went to college, and grad school too! But, guess what you big lying jerk face, I HAVE THE STRETCH MARK YOU SWORE I WOULDN'T GET!!!! Ugh.

Today, as I contorted my body in a way that no body should twist to get a better look at the grand canyon on my hip, I quickly did what my Annie has always taught me to do in such desperate, and daunting times: research! I got online and found every bit of research on what to do for my lonely canyon and went on to purchased $40 worth of stretch-mark-blasting-deep-moisturizing-cocoa-butter-lather I could find.

Thus, thanks a lot Mama for lying to my face. I think of you everytime I lather up and have to look at this nasty reminder that we do not in fact, share THIS particular gene.

Home Again.

Sweet EP's pup was lost and now is back with his beloved. I took this photo of him last month and I cannot believe how regal he is and how dignified his new gray hairs make him look. He looks so statuesque in photos, until you meet him in real-life, and he is a body-wagging-panting-bundle-of-cute! Atticus is the sweetest of sweets...welcome back home pup!

My 26th Year

Today I turned 26. I usually don't feel my age unless I think of Mrs. Smith's age, and I think" Holy Cow!!!!! She's old, so that makes me....Oh boy!" Anyway, 26 is nothing and I really feel just the same. Because I feel like nothing has changed, I wanted to set some goals and predictions for this year ahead on my way towards 27.

1) I will have a life changing moment

2) I will get a job I love, not just like, but LOVE

3) I will be shocked to the point of utter confusion

4) There will be a loss that shatters me, but I will come to the other side okay

5) I will celebrate because something wonderful will happen to a person I hold so dear

To those who I love, if you notice a moment listed above, make sure I see it and bask in it. Often we pass right by the moments that make up a great year, and I really want to slow down and notice this year.

Cheers to 26!

Aquarium Fun!

There really wasn't a great story to tell about the aquarium in Denver. It has GORGEOUS exhibits and I really haven't seen an aquarium quite like it! Here are some fun photos of the kids and fish:)

Neighborhood Stud: Dylan

When I first arrived in CO, Miss Joan was all sorts of excited about the following day when I would finally meet Dylan. I was all sorts of excited and thought I might meet a Dillon McKay look-a-like in style and attitude. He did not disappoint!

He and Miss Joan are so cute together. They both ohhh and ahhhh about bugs and their reptiles. She does the vary, scary, slip-n-slide without encouragement, she talks about her potentially new pet, Dragon, the leopard gecko, and she

talks fluent boy but adds her trendy, unique, flare that make her very worthy of admiration.

A few days later, we got back from a fun adventure, and Miss Joan noticed that there was a note in the mail box with her name on it. She came in wiggling with excitement and shining. "Look!!!! It's from Dylan!" We all gathered around the table and she squealed, "It's code!!! It's code!!! I have to look in the mirror to reveal the message!" As we all gathered around the mirror in the bathroom, and read his message in crooked and backwards letters:

"Hadley, You are specert! Love, Dylan"

Hmmmm????

After were all trying to figure this out, Miss Joan decided she was going to ask him and she marched right over to his house, right then. That's right my little go-getter!!!!!

About 5 minutes later, Miss Joan comes back through the door beaming!

Miss Joan: He likes me!!!!

Me: What happened?

Miss Joan: I went into their house, 'cause the dogs were going to get out, and we talked. His mom was in the kitchen and I asked him what the letter was supposed to say because I couldn't figure it out.

Me: Yeah, what else?

Miss Joan: He said that the letter said I was special and that he liked playing with me.

Me: WOW, that's so exciting!

Miss Joan: And, he told me not to tell any of the other boys in the neighborhood. Do you think he likes me a lot? Because I had a crush on him so it worked out, right?

Me: I think you are such a likable girl and I am glad to see you happy!

Isn't that the cutest thing you have ever heard of? Milk-box, neighborhood love!!!!! Dylan is adorable and she was so cute about all of this:) Sweet Miss Joan...

The Zoo, Denver Style

On day one, we went to the zoo. HA! This is funny because I had no idea where the hell I was. Literally, I had to googlemap my way around everywhere. Miss Joan and Finny would let out a little giggle as I would turn around in some random neighborhood as I "missed the turn" over and over again. Their patience was brilliant!

So, we got up, early, really early, 7am early. Finny seemed to be doing the body wang he was so excited and Miss Joan was all, "OMG, I can't wait for the zoo," and "OMG, we are going to make a homemade doll," and finally, "can we get my gecko while my parents are in New Orleans?" I of course said yes to the final request and the gecko, named Dragon, is currently living under the sofa...sorry EP.

Joking. Really.

Anyway, we print out directions and head outside. For the love of Christ, it was 97 degrees out and I felt like I was standing on the sun. No kidding, flesh was melting off of me. But, we pushed on, in air conditioning, and went to the zoo.

For the first 2 hours, we were good to go. I brought TONS of snacks in order to appease my master, Finny, when he beckons, "TAY, SNACK!" If it was any other kids or if it was an ugly kid, I would say a big HELL NO, GET YOUR OWN SNACK KID!, but alas, he is neither, so I was his lady-servant.

After these hours, we all needed new clothes because our current clothes were sweaty sponges. We sat in a patch of shady grass, Finny laying in my lap sans shoes and shirt, and Miss Joan showing both Finny and I up by proclaiming, "It's really not that hot you guys. Let go look at the gorillas. By the way, can we run, I don't think I'm hot enough!" Finny and I decide he needs a wagon, stat, and we all needed ice cream.

Thus, now with a wagon, fully cooled with water and Dots ice cream, we continued in the loveliness called the Denver Zoo. We thoroughly enjoyed ourselves and it was fun seeing downtown Denver with two of my favorite people.

Unfortunatly, I couldn't fit my camera in with all the snack

I was required to bring, so I have no photos. What you will see below, are some photos taken before EP and PP left for New Orleans. As every trip requires a fashion show, Finny and Miss Joan fulfilled their duty well!

All Things Padden.

Dear Roger,

You don't know me, but I most certainly know you. I know your name, your face, your smile, and your family. I know you because I know your 3rd born, Emily. I am so happy to call her my friend and even more elated to call the rest of your family my friends now as well.

I thought I would write you because you are everywhere around here, and I wanted an outsider, a non-Padden, to tell you how much you are still apart of who these glorious people are.

I went to dinner at Andrew and Monica's tonight. I thought I was just bringing Hadley and Finn so they could hang with the family, but your people had something very different in store. I was hugged upon arrival. Not a hug like you hug out of politeness, or because they vaguely knew of me, but come-on-in-we-hear-you-are-like-family kind of hug. There were noises coming from every inch of this well loved home. Andrew and Monica came right in with sarcasm and "lets eat!," that I just felt like I might be in one of the happiest place on Earth.

We all ate around a table that could barley fit us all sharing about Lyla making the beautiful transition to braving extended summer camp. As each of your children, grandchildren, and sweet wife wrote poems, sweet nothings, and words of encouragement to Lyla, I sat back and basked in the love that was surrounding me. For goodness sake, the kid was just going to camp, but what a send off. As Lyla read what Andrew wrote to her, "After all, you are a Padden, and you know what that means, you are: confident, strong, beautiful, kind...." I got teary. Such an outward expression of love and devotion from a father and the beaming pride I saw on your son's face made my heart tingle.

With each note, there was a common theme, Padden-ness. I had heard this said, "Padden-ness" before, but I saw Padden-ness tonight. As your wonderful wife wrote a poem full of laughter, love, and Padden, I saw a glimpse of what Padden meant. I think it means you, Roger. I think it means everything you are and still are to your family. I have never seen a family so connected by one person and you appear to be a constant silent pillar.

I talked with Meg and WOW. What a brilliant Mother and a sweet soul. I thought, here is the other half to my friend. Emily being a sister is one of her best features, and to really meet her extended self was brilliant.

After playing with your family and swapping recipes, I settled on the couch with Ellen. She told me she wanted to show me your journal. The journal you kept from before you met her, to weeks before you passed away. I truly have no words to do this justice. I cried. I opened your journal and cried at how beautifully you chronicled your life. It was there, you were there, in the living room tonight. I read your passages, as you documented births, first words, school adventures, children's birthday's, engagements, marriages, deaths, all of it was there. There was a moment when I just looked at your wife and thought, oh my, what love she has for you. I desperately want that kind of love. I hope I have that kind of love.

We cried, and read pages of your journal. I saw your family grow up within those pages, I read about your triumphs and you sorrows, and celebrated as I saw each of your children write their names legibly. There was one page, where Emily had put a post-it, saying she was thinking of you, and I do that too. I do that for my mom and I have done it for others, just to let them know that the thinking about them never ceases, even when the words aren't spoken constantly.

I closed the book and thanked Ellen for sharing such a powerful and stunning gift. I thought for a moment, your entire family followed your lead, they are all writers. Andrew brought out his columns for the Denver Post and I read his heart-breaking and witty article about the death of his son. I sat in awe of the openness you Padden's possess. But, that is what you taught them, to chronicle their lives by writing. In each of your children's own way, they write their legacy for their own children to share and have something tangible for when they pass.

I left this house, this summer camp send off, with a heavy heart and deep appreciation for you as a father to my friends and a husband for a gracious and giving woman. You must have been the happiest of men to be surround with such love, and to have your family adore you beyond words.

It was my great pleasure to meet you tonight.

I love your family.

Kindly,

Taylor

More to follow...

I have been waiting to be inspired for my next post, and guess what, I have been! I am in Colorado visiting the Pensione Provost and the darling two. Get ready for several instalments of our adventures and fun little tid-bits that are sure to make you jealous and book a stay here immediately. Stay tuned....

By the way, Luca is the happiest child on Earth. I saw, I cuddled, and he grabbed my glasses. He had me with his big blue eyes and contagious giggle:)

I Hear They Call It: Empathy

I am trying to gain perspective and placing myself in others shoes. This is hard, hard stuff and I don't much like it, but it is necessary in order to move forward.

The shoes I am trying on:

-My Dad

-My Aunt Linda

-My Uncle Ron

-My Grandparents

-Dear Friends

Some shoes are too big, some are too tight, and some the color doesn't work for me, but a shoe, is a shoe, is a shoe, and they must be tried on. Thus, I am pushing onward and in the process, working towards bettering myself. I will fumble and I will say things I shouldn't, but I hope they try my shoes on and we work together. Wish me luck...

Waste

I made a big mistake tonight, I added up all of my school debt. Turns out, I should have invested in a profession that would at least make it possible to make monthly payments. Ugh. I hate that I chose this right now. Why couldn't I have chosen something dealing with business, science, or squid-fishing! Anything would pay more than the one thing I like and am good at. I am going to bed upset and distraught about my doom surrounding my inability to repay my education. I should have worked at McDonalds, I hear they have great benefits.

MEAN

Someone is threatening me on Facebook and I just hate it! They said they wanted to "kill you (me) bitch." Not only did this mystery person Facebook message me, but also my mom and mentioned Dani Jo in it!!!! This means that this person either, went to high school with me because they are mentioning Dani and I together, or they are really close to me and they know I was close to her in the past. I called Dani, and she has it too! Either way, I really feel icky. I feel violated and nervous. Please stop Facebook person. If I knew you in high school, I am sorry if I was mean. I was a different person with very different priorities going through a VERY tumultuous ordeal called "family" and "high school" all at once. If it is someone who I know now or know well, why? Talk to me, don't threaten me. I'm sorry if I sucked to whoever is doing this, but please stop. Your point was made. I get it.

Sad Story

Oh, come on! Is BILLIE BEATRICE really the best you could do? This is what disappointment looks like.

Surprise!

My vacation surprise was as follows:

TO SEE MY ANNIE FOR 4 WHOLE DAYS!!!!!!! That's right, I am going to LA for the first time in too long to see Annie and bask in her backyard of perfection, eat at the cafe, eat at Shenandoah's, eat at In-and-Out, watch movies, snuggle some cats, snuggle some dogs, walk in the sun, see the beach, read a book, ahhhhhhhh......

I have to give a huge shout-out to Dave for this lovely gift. For months I have gripped about not seeing my Annie and wanting to come see her but not knowing when, how or blah, blah, blah, blah! Times that by 50 and you know a little bit about Dave's past 3 months. I would have been happy with a weekend getaway for 2 to some secluded retreat, but he knows me all too well. Dave knows what I need to rejuvenate and because of this trip, I will rejuvenate the 2 of us. Thank you Dave for understanding I would favor this trip much more than others. I heart you and happy 6 years:)

Thanks Annie for housing us and being a part of my fun surprise:)

Things that Made me Smile Today and it's only 1pm:

1) Today marks 6 years of bliss with Dave:)

2) A quote from EP's blog about Anthro clothes...couldn't be more right:)

3) The quirky and over-priced wrapping paper I had Papyrus wrap Dave's boring anniversary gift in:)

4) Wishing EP's perfection of a sissy would just write books so I could devour her writing everyday in hardcover:)

5) Reliving last night's conversation with Miss Joan as she celebrated her monumental 8th birthday yesterday. She was all "totally" and "yea I know" and "for sure" including dramatic pauses and effect. Absolute bliss being a part of her life:)

6) Talking with my sister about senate bills before 10am and nodding along like I know what the hell she is talking about, but enjoying the conversation endlessly despite intellectual confusion:)

7) My mom answering the phone, "Global Service, this is Lori" when she has caller ID and knows it's me. Weird, but smile worthy:)

8) Last DVD of Big Love 3rd season:)

9) Empty laundry baskets. Not because I emptied them, but because Dave did last night, as I told him last week that I hate when they are full, because they look at me with their judgmental eyes and scream, "YOU WORTHLESS WOMAN, GET TO WORK!" :)

10) Watching Will and Fluff interact with each other in crazy pseudo-fights and odd cackling noises over their new cat toys. I have bits and pieces of neon green and yellow feathers ALL over the apartment, and when I got in the shower, I noticed these colors sliding towards the drain as they are attached to my feet:)

Have a great weekend! I will update soon as to what my surprise weekend is after Dave FINALLY fills me in tonight:)

Copy Cat

a month, I would be: December
a day of the week, I would be: Wednesday
a time of day, I would be: 5:40pm
a planet, I would be: Earth
a direction, I would be: West
a historical figure, I would be: Anna Freud
a liquid, I would be: iced tea
a tree, I would be: cherry tree
a plant, I would be: spanish moss
a flower, I would be: lily
a kind of weather, I would be: snowy and dry
a musical instrument, I would be: piano
an animal, I would be: a cat
a color, I would be: yellow
a fruit, I would be: watermelon
a sound, I would be: laughter
an element, I would be: oxygen
a song, I would be: Rhapsody On A Theme, Rachmaninov
a book, I would be: Pride and Prejudice, Jane Austen
a food, I would be: mashed potatoes or key lime pie
a place, I would be: a garden
a word, I would be: therapist
a scent, I would be: homemade bread
a body part, I would be: arms
an object, I would be: wooden rocking chair
a cartoon character, I would be: Alice
an event, I would be: a family vacation
a number, I would be: 4
an occupation, I would be: florist or a smutty magazine contributor
a mythological being, I would be: Hippocampus
a feeling, I would be: elated
a mineral, I would be: Quartz
a religious icon, I would be: I wouldn't be one.
an art form, I would be: oil on canvas
a symbol, I would be: asterisk
a constellation, I would be: Cygnus

Only 3

I have only 3 good things that I liked about the movie, Valentine's Day, otherwise, it was CRAP!

1) Dog named Push-Pin. Mrs. Smith and I looked at each other instantaneously and knew that our next pet must be named Push-Pin. Later in the movie we found out that Push-Pin was not the name of the pet after all. Oh well, we got a good name out of a boring film!

2) Quote: "Put it where you're lookin' at." Really funny line that Jessica Biel uses when telling the valet where to put her parking ticket...in her bra! (That makes me think of, "your braaaaa????????" Only Mrs. Smith will get it, but she is smiling and giggling because of it!)

3) Final blooper/out-take of the movie when Julia Roberts is in the back of a limo and the driver says, "We are passing the famous Rodeo Drive, have you ever been?" She replies, "I did once, big mistake. Big. Huge." Mrs. Smith and I were the only people in the theater laughing out loud and appreciating Julia's Pretty Woman humor....and we felt very old while the teeny-boppers had questionable looks on their faces wishing Taylor Swift and Taylor Lautner would come on the screen again. Boo-hoo for them.

And that's it. There is nothing more to know about this anti-climactic film that made me glad that we didn't waste our money and used our movie passes. So sad. But a great night with Mrs. Smith indeed:)

Hoodie

I woke this morning at 8:22 and it's pretty early for me if I don't have internship. I was blasted awake by my phone ringing and I usually ignore it because it could be 1, or more, of these 4 options:

1) My mom

2) My mom

3) Annie

4) Morgan

All of which know that it is early, but still call. One time, my mom called and was all loud and breathing heavily at 7am. This is what these phone calls usually look like:

Me: "Mom, what's wrong with you?" (In a kind of nice tone as I was just woken up!!!)

Mom: "Thank goodness! I just wanted to make sure you were okay because of the wind last night. Also be careful on the roads, and don't forget your bringing fruit for Sunday dinner. Oh, I have to go, but thanks for calling Tay, talk to you in a little bit." Click.

Me: "Ugh!!!! ME, call HER???!!!" Back to bed.

So this morning, I was going to ignore the ring and thank goodness I didn't because it was Hoodie (Kim)! I worked with Kim EVERYDAY and got to spend literally, all of my time with her up until Sept. After that we made sure that we saw each other very often, but now we are both insanely busy. Just yesterday, I went into a mini fit to Dave because I missed my friend so much.

There you have it! I have my first brunch date with Hoodie in about 1 hour and I could not be more ecstatic:)

Wrong Message.

"May the best man win." This phrase makes me wrinkle my nose and say, "ugh." What does it mean? If you win you are a better person? I am less of a person because I didn't win? What a terrible message!

I have heard this said in treatment and I am flabbergasted that anyone in their right mind would suggest these "encouraging" words to anyone in treatment. Imagine this: a single mother who is struggling with 3 children and suffering from an addiction. (This is a VERY common client that I see almost daily.) So this woman goes into treatment, and in her support group, one of her therapist ends the meeting with, "May the best man win!" I use this example, because I just encountered it this past week. She leaves feeling great, but unfortunately, in recovery, people often have a few slip-ups on the road to sobriety. So she comes back into treatment after abusing a substance, defeated, ashamed, and depressed, all of which perpetuate further abuse. I am not suggesting that she is not responsible for her actions, but I believe as a therapist, we are responsible for ours as well. It may "just be words," but her therapist told her that if she didn't win the fight against her drug of choice, she is less of a person for it. Now that just sucks. This is just one of many examples.

I have heard this phase said to a group of kids playing t-ball. Really? A coach is going to tell a bunch of kindergartners that if you win at T-BALL, you are the best. [Cue my wrinkled nose and "ugh."] Not everything is a race or competition! What ever happened to pacing yourself!?!? If you come in second, then great! If you come in 10th, then great!

You finished.

You completed something.

You accomplished something.

We have no right to place judgment on others accomplishments and decided whether or not they hold value.

With that, I will step down from my box and you no longer have to call me Norma Rae.

A Funny

"You play a central role in the movie of my life, although you don't know you have been cast for it."- Rosie O'Donnell

The funniest thing she has said in years to Oprah, after her craziness on every other show!

Farewell Conan

I don't watch the tonight show, and I don't really care about Conan O'Brien, but, his farewell was heartfelt and so gracious.

"Here is one thing I will leave you with, work hard, be nice, and great things will happen to you. Things never turn out the way you think they are going to, but that is where the opportunity lies."- Conan O'Brien

Perfection!

Get ready for some great news people!!!! Jeff and Jordan, my favorite showmance from Big Brother, are competing on the next Amazing Race!!!!! I love it when reality show stars keep bouncing from one show to the next!!! YAY, I couldn't be more thrilled:)

The Pod Got Smaller

After hours of reading smutty Danielle Steal novels and chatting about nothing to make sure Grammy only heard our voices, and not the constant beeping of the many machines that surrounded her, the doctors turned everything off. She was slipping into her "pain management" phase which only gave her about 10 minutes more of eyes open and one word comments. Everyone was talking with the doctors, and I sat beside her. I was sobbing and held her hand. I pleaded to her and the nonexistent people around me to let her hear my words, "I love you Grammy, I just love you Grammy." I said this over and over until, she finally spoke back to me, "I love you and Morgan." That was it, she said nothing more. Her last words were about her love for my sister and I. Unknowingly, Dave was in the doorway listening and instantly sat beside me and Grammy. We watched as she slipped into an awkward paced breathing, but a calm finality. Her last words were of love. Love that I cannot explain. She was a grumpy lady, and me, a straight forward smart-mouth. She loved that I told her to "shut her face" and she would smile and say, "Boy, you've got a mouth on you." I would make fun of her age by telling her "depends" jokes and she would crack up. We had a special kind of relationship where she didn't have to play the victim, or be passive-aggressive, or play all sides. She was real, herself, and I am so glad that she shared that with me.

We are a small group of people; a small family of 6. On this day, one year ago, we lost one of our own, and now we are 5. I miss her so much my tummy hurts.

Cheers to you Grammy and I love you as well...

Back to Basics

Tonight is my last night of not worrying about homework or internship. I officially start the "home-stretch" of my grad school career tomorrow! In preparation, Mrs. Smith and I went shopping on Saturday on the grad hunt for "business casual" attire for my new job (except I don't get paid). Surprisingly enough, we found some really cute things and I only felt bad about my thighs once! Pretty good for an entire day of shopping:) Now, as I pick out my first day of internship clothes, I wish I had a plain black cardy. So, Dave and I stopped by the mall right quick and let me tell you, there is NOTHING! There are cardy's without buttons, with long, gaping sleeves, weird wrap ones, one that could be my dress, shawl, snuggie, and hammer pants all at the same time, ones that have really odd collars, but not a one is a regular cardy. The everyday cardy that is black, long sleeves, crew neck, regular mate buttons at a normal size, hits at your hips, and without odd trendy embellishments. I just want a perfect cardy to go with anything, that can stand the test of time, and that doesn't distract. Is this too hard to ask for?

Guess what? J. Crew has one. It's lovely cashmere and has all the classic qualities listed above. Only catch, for once, it isn't on Dave's discount list. Thus, my dream sweater is $150 and out of my reach. Life's mean realities.

And to you all, enjoy your week!

Cohabitating

I have always been a supporter of living with a partner before one makes a life-long commitment to them. Luckily, my Moms are in support of this as well so there has never been any push-back in that regard. My reasoning for this, is that one learns things that you never knew, and could never get used to unless cohabitating existed. Listed below are some things that I have learned (primarily about Dave), especially important seeing as how I grew up with 3 other girls and never with many males around.

1) Boys are really sweaty and stinky. I am a sweaty girl, but I know exactly where my sweat comes from and I can quickly fix it. Additionally, mine doesn't smell, while boy sweat smells like the inside of an elephants rotting carcass. Imagine piles of sweaty soccer cloths and shoes everywhere...get my drift (pun intended)?!

1a: If I never had lived with a boy, upon serious commitment I would have been shocked to find out that, in fact he smells quite regularly and I do need instruct (politely as he is sensitive) how to properly care for his sweaty clothes because up to this point his mother took care of all his laundry. Additionally, they think the potency of his smells are to be marveled and applauded. In fact, they may call their friends to tell them just how gross they are and brag about how they almost made you barf at first smell. My advice: applaud a little, but direct all clothing to the washer immediately and make him wash directly after.

2) Boys poop A LOT. It is mystifying to me that they can poo 3+ times daily. I imagine it is because they eat 5 times the amount of a girl, but really? That much poo??!!! I am not upset about this, rather fascinated. Again, they may want applause for the smell and expect that you are impressed.

2a: If I had not lived with a boy I would not have known this and would assume that my partner has an awkward intestinal issue and refer them to a doctor. Rather, it has been explained to me that this is quite typical. Good to know.

3) It's not that they ignore you, but be prepared to say the same thing at least 5 times. Additionally, know that when you tell a boy something, there are certain times that they are involved in activities that make it impossible to hear you therefore beware, as you will be annoyed when really they are incapable of processing your words. For example: during a video game or action movie, do NOT remind them to do things or expect sweet words...they are incapable. Similarly, when food is in front of boys you cannot expect anything to register. One must wait until they are no longer hungry, but not too full because again, he will not hear you as he is too worried about his tummy and willing his next trip to the bathroom to come more quickly. Most importantly, do not cushion your requests or reminders with filler words. Get to the point as their attention span is 10 seconds or less when it comes to reminders and anything longer gets categorized as nagging and they turn you off. You do not want to be charged with nagging as it brings up their mother issues and again, you do not want to be categorized with that either. Short and sweet has never been more true.

3a: Without living with a boy, I would have assumed that every word I said was heard and cherished. Although my partner is wonderful and kind, I now cannot expect him to listen to everything I say because in actuality, I am not listening to everything he says. It' s a fine balance you learn after time.

4) Boys are boys. Just because boys age and are then supposed to be called men, they are still boys. They love video games, electronics, action-packed movies, and crude humor. All of which intensifies when you have some of his friends over. Be prepared to be "one of the boys" when friends come over because otherwise you are "the girlfriend" and that is surprisingly not the title you want when gaining the likes of the guy friends.

4a: Gain points with the guy friends by knowing what they like and versing yourself with tid-bits of knowledge. They will think you are adorable for trying rather than asking dozens of questions because they think that is annoying and they give your partner shit for not teaching you anything. Remember, these are the people your partner calls upon when you both are fighting, going through something difficult, or for support. Be nice to them and be friends with them as they can be just as loyal to you, as your partner.

5) Routine is a must. There is nothing better than forming a life routine and rhythm with your partner. You know how to other snuggles, eats, shops, treats your pets, and you learn sacrifice. These lessons cannot be taught by dating and living separately. If you are building a foundation for a successful home-life, then you must practice home-life by building your home-life.

5a: Routine is a preview to what your lives will look like together. If you don't like it or the living situation doesn't mesh, I personally think you will not be successful together. Sacrifice cannot be taught, but must learned and perfected.

And thus, these are some of the lessons I have learned from cohabitating with a boy, as I am a girl raised by girls, and had no understanding of boy-ness.