Dessert

Just saw The Young Victoria and it was sheer bliss. Beautiful acting, beautiful scenery, and beautiful people. I loved it and it was my New Year molten cake. Mmmm, enjoy and go see it immediately!

2010 Ready

I am so ready to be done with 2009. It started with a death and I feel like it set the tone for this whole year. Unemployment, last grueling year of school, being broke, etc. I am just done with 2009. With that being said, I cheers you all to a 2010 filled with good health, happiness, love and family. To you and yours, HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Smarty Pants

Guess who got a 4.0 this semester? That's right, ME!!!!!!!!!!!

Feel free to brag and say wonderful things about me!!!!

Merry Christmas

Interestings

Dave has been gone for about a week now and I thought I would HATE being alone in our apartment. Surprisingly, I have really enjoyed it. Not because I am glad he is gone, but because I haven't been alone in my own space, my own head, my own devices for a long time. I miss him, but I can handle being alone and actually forgot how much I enjoy my own company.

I bought a new pair of jeans and it moved something in me that I am intrigued by. I want a change. I feel like my creative outlets are not being expressed in a way that corresponds with my inner self. School and comfort has driven my style and life for too long! I need to change and remember that I am not just a student, unemployment doesn't define me, and I cannot wait to reconnect with my quirky and unique tastes that I have forgotten for so long.

I met new people this week. Really nice and new people. I think new people in my life are a must and I am really excited for the next shift I am feeling in my bones. Change is coming and I am not shying away, rather charging full force towards it!

Reading, reading, and reading. That's what I have been doing and LOVING it!!! I have caught up with the stacks books that I have ordered and had to shelve for months. I have absorbed them and words don't express how much I love to take a book with me everywhere in case I can steal a word or two in the grocery store, in the post office, or a 5 minute break at Starbucks. This is why I got the worlds largest purse, Nina, because she can hold at least 3 books and fit everything else comfortably.

I am itching to plan for the summer. Yes it's 6 months away, and yes it could be because it's 32 degrees here, but I am listing things I want to accomplish this summer and what I want to do before I no longer have a summer break.

Here is the short list:

1) Have Finny and Ms. Joan here for a visit. I owe Finny a trip and I haven't seen him in forever, but I couldn't stand not seeing Ms. Joan as an 8 year old. Oh how I miss those two...

2) Vacation. I will vacation somewhere. I am not looking for something amazing, in fact I really want to start my goal of finally visiting National Parks in the U.S. Somewhere, anywhere, but a vacation with Dave sounds like medicine I long for!

3) A weekend with my sister. Something over-indulgent, something we possibly can't afford, and something that makes me smile so much my face hurts. That is what I feel like I need with her. Relaxing and stupid amounts of fun.

4) Start two things for myself that I do by myself. I want to make a habit of something that can take me away from the intense work I am about to start. I need an outlet that can help me decompress and join society again. I have some ideas, and I will being trying out new things to perfect and assure that it will be exactly what I need.

That's it for now, just some things that have been pushing around and making my priority. What I see from these things is that I really need to remember who I am and be myself daily because I am loosing the essence of me.

Addicted to Amazon

The best thing Amazon ever did was save all of my information and make it ridiculously easy to purchase things. Right when I discover something I absolutely H-A-V-E to H-A-V- E, I just search, pick, confirm address and payment then, voila! My item is on it's way.

This is wonderful and awful at the same time. Well played Amazon. You had me at "checkout."

I Call it a Sister Connection

I woke up this morning to my normal internet routine, yahoo mail, favorite blogs, and people.com. When I read Mrs. Smith's blog I couldn't relate more.

I too missed my Grammy so much last night it made me catch my breath. As Dave and I hung our ornaments, drinking cocoa, listening to holiday music, I stopped and just starred at her purple Christmas balls now hanging on my Christmas tree.

The last real conversation I had with Grammy was on Christmas Eve last year. She had sent her normal box of joy all wrapped up and with instructions. We all took turns in thanking her and I was the last to go. We talked about the insane amounts of snow and how her flowers were going to be shocked because of how cold it was in Yakima. We talked about school and we made our usual crack about "depends." It was a typical and wonderful conversation with Grammy. Days later she checked herself into the hospital and days after, on January 20th she passed away.

I don't know if it is Grammy reminding Mrs. Smith and I of her, or if it's our sister connection. Either way, I like thinking about her is the most peculiar and normal of times. It reminds me that she really is with me, always.

Apologizing

5 AM: Will woke us up by doing something in the den. I yelled his named and he scurried out. Problem solved? Absolutely not.

6:15 AM: Will digging at something in the den. I yell him name again and threaten to get out of bed. He stops....momentarily.

6:16 AM: Will is rummaging again. I get up and clap my hands in the dark only to feel him run by. That ought to have done it.

7 AM: Will is seriously chewing on something. I go into the den, furious, to see what on earth he is doing. He looks up like, "Hey Mama, look what shiny thing I found!" He has been chewing on all of the Christmas present's bows. Ugh. I take it away from him and give him the boot.

7:05 AM: Chewing is still coming from the den and now I am L-I-V-I-D. I storm out of bed, flip on the light, and see the big bow in his mouth. He backs up, with it still in him mouth and plans for an escape, with the bow. Oh no he didn't! I grab the bow, give him a swat on the rear and close the bedroom door on him for the first time ever.

7:07 AM: Will is now barfing up the pieces of Christmas bow in the hallway outside our door. I roll over towards Dave and he says, "I guess it's my turn to take care of Will?" Yup, I am done.

7:10 AM: Barf is cleaned, we are back in bed, the door is closed and Fluffy wants some love. Wait, no he doesn't, he wants to scratch at the door and Will wants to cry on the other side because he can't come in. AGHHHHH, I have scratching and crying for 5 long minutes and I can't handle it!!!!

7:15 AM: Dave- "Fine. I'm up. I should just go to work."

9:52 AM: Will and Fluff are sleeping on the bottom of the bed. Will sees my eyes open and heads in my direction. I am so ready to give him the cold shoulder when he flops on his belly and shoves his little face into mine. He rubs his hands all over my face, licks my nose and cheeks, purrs like crazy, and snuggles me for about 25 minutes. He was saying sorry, I just know it.

10:13 AM: Will is back in the den. Apparently "I'm sorry" also means, I'm going to do it again. I say his name and he runs out. Done. Lesson learned....I hope.

Meanwhile, all of you are getting gifts with teeth marks and half-eaten bows. And, my Christmas tree looks sad without any presents under the tree, but I can't trust the boys because it would be a bow feast if they were left out all day.

Where There is Will, There is a Way

Okay, Fluff needs some dental work. When I mean "some," I mean he needs a lot. Like extracting about 6 teeth from the back of his mouth. I am scared for him and to be honest, I don't like what the vets have told me and I feel like I am not getting my questions answered. Additionally, they are wanting to prevent this from happening to all his teeth so they suggest taking more teeth out "just in case" without any regard for the cost of the surgery nor the fact the we have to consider what we could go without so that Fluffy can feel better. To be frank, we cannot afford a vet bill at all. The only saving grace is that Dave might get a new job offer in January and only then can we potentially purchase surgery for our cat. Want an idea of how much? About $2,000 for the surgery alone, not to mention the post-op appointments, antibiotics, and other requirements of ample cost.

I feel like a bad pet owner because it turns out, I can't afford my pet. I hate feeling like I am compromising his health when he brings so much joy to Dave and I.

Here is the plan, I need your help. I am not a praying person, but I do believe in the power of willing. So, can each of you just help me will the job for Dave? Can you pray, will, send positive energy, or whatever you do to send positivity into the universe, will you do some for us? I really want Fluffy to feel better, and I know that Dave and I would feel better knowing that we have the power to help our little one that bring so much happiness to us.

Thanks for helping...

Quote of the Day

"It takes a while for people to get this, but you know, you cheat on your wife, you cheat on your kids. Enough said."-Chis Rock on Oprah

And Here are the Reasons

1) How do you know when to stop inviting people. When people say they want a small wedding, that means 250 people. I think it would be creepy if I had that many people looking at me and I just don't want it! But, half of Bothell is related to Dave so it looks like 250 would just cover his peeps. Shout out to my small and broken family!

2) I don't have the money, nor do I think I ever will. Money is a huge issue and if I were to get married I would want to do it exactly the way I want, no cut corners. Unfortunately, that means $$ and it's just not worth it to compromise for me.

3)I think I would be Bridzilla. Enough said really.

4) We just don't want to. Not that we don't want to marry each other, but we are lazy people at heart and it seems like a lot of work. I saw Mrs. Smith be stressed and chaotic and although her wedding was glorious and she loved it, I remember "The Year of the Wedding" very well and I am not interested.

5) I'm scared. When it come down to it, people cheat. Look at Tiger, Jon minus Kate, Brad, my dad. It happens too often and it gets messier when people are married. I really don't think that Dave or I will cheat on each other, but I don't know what 30 years of being with someone does to the other. Anyway, if you aren't married, the escape is a lot faster and cleaner.

There you have it. I hope this answers questions and appeases people for at least a year and then we can reassess at that point. BUT......

I might have had this dress: I love that it has pockets!

My Sister may have worn this: She loves this color and the cut would be flattering!

And this Cake: Yummy Pavlova:)

At this location: I think a vacation for everyone would be amazing fun!

With these flowers: Oh how I love white flowers and peonies!

Possibility Contimplation

When I was in High School, I had characteristics that resembled "That Girl." You know her, great hair, skinny, could have been nicer, hot but douche bag boyfriend, cheerleader, legs for days, and always tan. I had shades of her and those shades hit the fan when I had H-U-G-E reality check in college. Anyway, one of those"shades" that I embraced the most, especially my Junior year, was the year long tan.

Me: Hello, my name is Taylor and I had an addiction, tanning.

Everyone: Hi Taylor.

Jeffery Allen was this dirty-birdie, 30-something creeper, that would come to every football game, not because he loved watching the lowest ranked high school football games, but because he loved himself some high school cheerleader. Ugh.

Anyway, all of us girls used this to our advantage as he owed the local tanning salon. He would give us unlimited, free tanning. Seriously gross and dangerous in retrospect. Either way, it was a perk and I wanted it to continue. And let me tell you, I loved tanning. Not only because it kept me looking like a Satsuma during Christmas, but because it was a wonderful boost of warmth during the winter months, and every month in between.

During the middle of the day, I had several prep periods where I would go tanning and then again after school. Can you say skin cancer? I stopped doing this for the gross tanned look, and started doing this for the warmth that radiated through me every time I laid down in the plastic, ultra-violet, coffin of cancer. Again, I learned my lesson as I have a pigment loss that has resulted from the years of fake warmth.

Why does this long background matter you ask? Well, I have now started to get cold and yearn for that warmth that once radiated my bones during these winter months. Compact that with an ample amount of time on my hands and I have no excuse for not working out A-L-L the T-I-M-E! Plus, my high school metabolism has left me and I don't really like the result it left behind. Thus, I have investigated Hot Yoga.

This Hot Yoga studio is right around the corner and it is 105 degrees and 50% humidity while doing 90 minutes of yoga. Whoo-hoo is right!!! I can recapture that warmth while combining my need for exercise and use up some of my excess time! It really sounds perfect, but I have enlisted the guidance of my Yogi Yoda, EP because not only does this sound like something that she knows about, but I think she has done this before. Sounds like Lupus would like this, we'll see.

So, this is what I am considering as a warmth and practicality possibility. Thoughts?

Game Night, Every Night

Dave and I sat down last night played 12 rounds of Yahtzee! 12 ROUNDS!!!! That's the equivalent of 2.5 hours of Yahtzee. We bought the game this weekends at Rite Aid for $5 thinking that it might be a fun and cheap game to bring to parties, as it is easy and everyone already knows how to play. Little did we know that we would be playing it nightly and it would be immediately added to our queue of games:)

I have seriously adore that Dave and I play a LOT of games. Instead of watching TV or doing something that engages us separately, we love playing games together. I would say that 5 out of seven nights include at least one or more rounds of Cribbage and we have now incorporated Gin-Rummy (Grandpa Dick style!), Yahtzee & Sequence to our regular line up. We throw on some Christmas music and let the games begin!!!

End of the Week Thoughts

Saw New Moon last night with two of my best girls and it was great! A bit cheesy at times, but you all know how I love a teen movie. Interestingly enough, New Moon was my least favorite book of the series, but I really enjoyed the film! While at the movies I managed to burn my pant leg and loose my new Lululemon headband. Really?

Our laptop had a rough week when it decided to break down and have a hard drive crisis. After much unnecessary time at Apple, we called to see what the trouble was and apparently they felt like being angels that day because they were giving us a free, upgraded hard drive and free installation! I was a bit suspicious, so when Dave picked it up he asked, "Why for free?" They said hardly anything acting very archaic, but when and he looked at the receipt it had 3 repairs on it. He inquired again, and they explained that they broke the keyboard, mouse pad, and face plate when trying to access the hard drive. Oopps! Either way, we are very lucky because it would have been $500 and it was free:)

Went shopping yesterday to find a cute Christmas party top and my search started at Free People, one of my most favorite stores to find unique and funky stuff. I don't know if I have been poor for too long, gained weight, or out-grown them, but nothing struck my fancy and I didn't even appreciate the pushy, size -0, overly styled, commission-fevered, pseudo-models coming at me from every direction. I immediately left and went to my happy place, J. Crew. I found just what I was looking for in exactly 47 seconds and left on my merry way. I must be growing up:)

Dave and I have been having too much fun spraying this liquid cat nip all over our living room and watching the Animal Planet episode that follows. I feel like the kitties are expecting it now and I can just imagine their thoughts, "Okay, they finished dinner and after dishes you know they are gonna get the sprayer out. How ridiculous are they treating us like we are mud wrestlers and cheering us on. Get a life humans!" Although I agree completely, they are so cute and Fluff is getting really assertive.

Went to a jeweler yesterday to take in Grammy's ring. It's a beautiful ring including 2 round peridot stones stacked vertically. They are in a very old setting and I think it was either Grammy's, or older because the band is HUGE. I know she had large fingers like I do, but I remember Mom and Annie saying that our great-grandmother had incredibly large hands and this ring had a larger band than Grammy's other rings. Oh well, that's not the point. The band had snapped and it was really dirty, so I got it repaired and cleaned! I just love it:)

It has been a prep for the holidays week for me. I got a new round of Christmas CD's from Costco, and this might be my best purchase of holiday music to date. Also, I got my fall/Thanksgiving decorations out, I finished all 60 of my Christmas cards, wrapped all of my presents, and I'm finishing up details of my Christmas craft! I love that it wont be chaos before Christmas trying to get it all done!

I finally made my first purchase with Grammy's money. My new Canon camera is in the mail as I write and I couldn't be more excited to take some photos with my Grammy. When we cleared out her house, she had boxes, upon boxes, of photos. She kept every photo, every card, ever program from piano to graduations, I mean E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G. It made me feel so loved and so special that I vowed that I would start to take pictures and save the important things that require saving. For instance, maybe I would get rid of the jeans that I fit into during high school and give up the dream of revisiting them and replace the space they are taking up with say, Mr and Mrs. Smith's wedding photos, Grammy's box of treasures, etc. Get my point?

I talked to my internship site and I start January 11th! I am beyond thrilled and I cant wait to be a part of something bigger and learning via practical application. I will finally have clients, and cannot express in words what that means to me. I can finally help in the best way I know how.

Loose-ends: I have pimple on above my lip that makes me want to drink heavily to ease the pain, I'm not, but I want to, I only have 3 more weeks of class and I can hardly contain myself, I get to see Annie this next week, I deiced to stop biting my finger nails last week and they look pretty good, I have seen SO many ads for great Christmas movies and I'm pretty jazzed pick our holiday show this week, and I got a new candle that I love and want to keep burning all day long!

Have a great weekend to all and a special shout out to EP, as always, but especially now, you and your Mamma are in my thoughts. Positive vibes are being sent your way...

Date Crasher

I forgot how much funnier things are around my sister.

On Friday night, I was going to take Dave on a surprise dinner at his favorite, Benihana. I called Mrs. Smith to see if she had the coupon card, and she gladly invited herself to join. Yes please! So, we got to the restaurant and the server added a high chair to our table where the Misses and I, in unison, rolled our eyes and began imagining a loud, crying, ugly baby, ugh. Anyway, this is when I remembered why I just LOVE being with my sister. Everything is funnier. Not just a little funnier, but cross your legs and hope you don't wet yourself funny. Dave was a great sport, joining when necessary, and letting us pick off his plate.

In all, this was one of the best nights I have had in a while. I laughed the entire time! I want to do this every month, and hopefully Smith can join us the next time! Thanks for crashing my date night sister, we had a blast!

Sunday Morning Funny

I laughed out loud! Well done.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rZFxDlq3DpY

Right?

Where I Came From

When I was in my first psychology class back at LBCC, the only thing I can recall is when my professor talked about how family members are more willing to like, forgive, need, and stay interested in family that looks like them. I find this to be insulting and wrong, but I have heard it over and over again in courses since. But I wonder, would I like my sister so much if she didn't look just like me? Of course!!!!!

I started to wonder about who I am a combination of. I dissected my personality and dissected my physical features in hopes to find that I was an equal combination of both my mom and dad. When I started pulling at things, I discovered that I don't reflect a combination of them, rather a combination of those around me. This is exactly when I found out that my calling in therapy would be in family systems! Either way, I got to know those family members that held portions of my very being in order to understand myself more clearly. What I found was hard and ugly but okay and settling.

I have my mom's face. I see her when I smile, I see her in my eyes, and in my hair. I will have her chest and I have her knack for always wanting more; more people, more food, and more fun!

I have my dad's hands. I sweat like him and I have the same brow lines. I have his anger and quick response. I have his adventurous spirit and his need for drama.

I have my Annie's judgement. I have her patience and ability to be alone. I have her cheek bones and we have the same nose (or used to!) I have her passion for school and her love of travel and literature.

I have grandpa's nose and I have his cheek bones. We both tuck our thumbs into our fists when our hands are completely relaxed and don't

know why. I remind him of my mom and he calls me Lori more than Taylor. I love it.

My grammy and I have the same guilt trip capabilities. I have her love for flowers and art. We have the same matter-of-fact demeanor. We share the need to tell the ones we love that we love them dearly, all the time.

Here is where I am stuck, I don't know what features of my other grandparents make up parts of me. I don't know them well enough anymore, and sadly, I forget what it was like before the great divide. I feel like I am missing parts of me. That parts of who I am are unidentifiable. Here is what brought be back today...

Grandpa called me. He's in AZ on his own and telling me exuberantly about what he fills his days with. He asks me about the Seahawks and tells me to call him after the Sunday game so we can "talk about their offense." He tells me about how he is eating only Top Ramen but tomorrow he is going to the grocery sore because it's Senior Day and he get 10% off. He tells me that he's cleaning the house and is a better house wife than I'll ever be (I agree!). He tells

me about how much he loves his enchiladas with "gummy cheese Taylor, that the key!" and to get extra sauce on the side. (He loves sauces just like the rest of us) He tells me about how he wishes I were there to share the heat and ample amount of garlic. He tells me that Dave better marry me soon, but he understands that I'm some "hippy that doesn't need marriage." He tells me that things are "fine" between him and grandma. That she's gone, but its because she is sending time with Ron, but again, "we're fine, TJ." Then he tells me he loves me 4 times and that he'll call me on Sunday.

I can't imagine anything happening to Grandpa. I wish so much that I was there with him, playing cards, eating too much garlic and Mexican food, and walking everywhere. Life with him would be glorious as he is more fun than most people I know. What I don't understand, is why he is alone? It breaks my heart, because I think he knows, that I know very well what is going on.

A Showmance to Write Home About

I was checking my daily internet, and found out that Jeff and Jordan, from Big Brother 11, are really dating. I was elated! I just love the two of them and decided early on in my summer friends watching, that they would be the couple to watch. Jeff is SO funny and I have a huge crush on him, and Jordan is dumb as all get up, but sweet and kind. I can't wait to see what happens with them, but I hope they are successful in their showmance:)

A Week to Remember

This week has been chaos, or at least I made it feel like chaos. Our beloved pup, Georgia, hurt her leg and it turned into the priciest pain in my ass. Not only is my Bellevue vet a unrealistic, price-quoting idiot, but also strange and wears bright purple eye-shadow that I can't stop staring at. She is talking about important treatment for Georgia and I kept my stare directly at her upper lids wondering if she intended for her cheerleader eye shadow to match her over-sized teacher-meets-Rachel Zoe jewelry. Fascinating really, but I am SO glad not to have to see any of those people for quite some time.

So, Georgia comes back to my TINY apartment to chill and heal. My dumb ass forgets that she is used to going in and out at my mom's house and I forgot to wake up and let her out to use the restroom. Needless to say, I woke up to pee and poo on my lovely rug. Not to worry, she is hurting, so I forgive her. Ugh. So I drive to Kim and Darren's to get their "Spot Dot" and I am telling you, it's great! This little intense carpet cleaner is a wonder. I stared and stared as it did it's dirty work and scrubbed my carpet back to new. Okay, close your eyes, imagine me with my face smooshed on the carpet next to a compact vacuum staring as it's scrub brushes twirl and suction up my messes. Just thinking about it makes me want to spill red wine and see what it can do. Either this thing is the 8th Wonder of the World, or I have cabin fever and need to find a hobby IMMEDIATELY!

After my cleaning frenzy, I sat down to check my email for the 101 time today, and find myself really happy. I have a loving and kind-hearted kitty to my left snuggled up and looking like caramelized fall meets a little lion, a large and aggressive kitty sleeping in his scratching hut looking like he wants me to reach in a touch his tummy, but we both know that would be my death wish, so I marvel from afar, and my sweet old lady, curled up healing in silence and ever-so-often looking up as to say, "Thanks for letting me recover here in silence and sorry I peed on your rug." Dave came home to tell me he loved me as he went back to the office, I'm folding laundry while listening to Rachmaninoff, my homework is done, and I can smell the apple crisp I made for tonight's dessert.

I am happy, right now.

Thoughts

In no particular order:

-Loving my new boots and enjoying my attire creativity because of them

-Missing the presence of good friends

-Thinking of EP a lot lately

-Considering not applying for Doctorate

-Wanting to figure out schedule so that I can permanently incorporate more time with my sister

-Scared that I love staying home so much

-Stressing about internship

-Wondering what I have to do to quit biting my fingernails; I sympathize with smokers

-Doing my Christmas Craft and I love working and creating with my hands

-Want a dog named Fern

-Wish the Mr. Darcy wasn't allergic to himself because soon he will be too expensive

-Been listening to a lot of Don Henley lately

-I need a new hobby

Soon I will actually write something with substance. I feel like I have to have a good come-back topic, which of course, stresses me out because it has to be perfect. More to follow...

I am helping a friend at an estate sale this weekend and she is a really good big sister. This big sister reminds me of how lucky I am to have my wonderful sister. I heart you sister and I miss you.

Dear Grammy,

Yesterday was a day full of you. Dave and I moved everything around in our new apartment to hang up things that remind me of what is most important. I hung the Dick and Jane page I got you and my note is still attached to the back like you left it. I hung your wind chimes outside on our porch and must have stayed out there for an hour until my feet were wet and I was cold.

Around mid-day, I drove over to Aaron Brothers to see if I could fit your style with mine as I found a new frame for the painting you wanted me to have. I told you long ago that the frame was not my taste, and you said, "I don't even know if it is my taste really." I love that. You didn't know, but you liked the painting. I think you would love the new custom frame I got it. Dave and I spent hours try to decided what I would like, and what you would like. It was important to me to find something that I think we could both appreciate. I decided on a cherry wood. It is a plain frame with and distinct ledge rather than bevelled. I hope you like it. The color of the wood brings out the lighter tones in the branches and the magnolias. Maybe you could give me some sort of sign to let me know you like it.

When we got home, I puttered around the house making dinner, fixing stuff, and putting away items that so needed a home in this new place. I pulled out your box, that's what I call the box of things you gave me full of pictures, memories and items that remind me of how much I love you. I have tried to display as many things as I can, but some things I just don't think you would appreciate the neighbors seeing, ie your wedding night "something blue." I keep it safe and think of how happy you were on your wedding night and how much you and Grandpa loved each other. In my mind, it is the most perfect of days.

I miss you so much it hurts sometimes. Please be watching me and be with me as I make my way through another challenge, unemployment. I love you and make sure I have days where all I do is think about you. I love those days.

Love,

Tay

Growing Pains?

My therapist recently told me that I have a hard time with people who don't take responsibility. She explained that I was raised in an environment where being wrong was okay, therefore I am comfortable with saying, "I am wrong." The kicker: Because I don't like it when others don't take responsibility, I create strict boundaries until they do. This is not too great because then I create a situation where I push them away instead of telling them how I feel.

I want to forget that someone hurt me, but I need them to take responsibility before I can move forward. If this doesn't get resolved, I feel like situations will arise where we will circle back to where we once were, not admitting our faults.

Is it growing up when you find yourself censoring what you say, therefore feeling like you are compromising your personality and the very essence of your being?

Music to My Ears

Two words: No Cavities!!!

A Piece of Greece

We had dinner last night at my Mama's house and it was glorious! Yummy food, good company, and fun for all. A perfect blend of Dave's family and mine to celebrate his 25th year with good people.

Biggest and most fun surprise: I really missed Charley! I hadn't seen him in a while and it was so nice to see him. He has become such an important part of our family now that I felt my heart pull after not seeing him for a few weeks.

After dinner, and all had gone home, my Mama, Dave, Charley, and I sat on the front porch. We talked about Dave and I, my Mom and Charlie, and a potential family trip to Greece. When Charley emphasised that we need to do this quickly because soon Mrs. Smith and Tyler will have children and that he wants to take us to his homeland, it again, hit me: Charley is so a part of us now.

He plans his life with ours now. He considers us his, and he ours. It was such a seamless transition and such a perfect fit to have Charley a part of our exclusive club and tight-knit family.

Welcome Charley, wholeheartedly!

Just another day at camp...

So, I came into work and Kim tells me how a parent had some concerns and wanted to express them to a supervisor. This was a parent that we have known for years. She came into the office and read a note that was sent home with her child, it went like this: "Dear Andrea, today Andy had a hard time being respectful to his camp counselor as he and 3 other boys played dare and the dared each other to say "Suck my balls, Stubby" to a larger counselor. Please reiterate at home that those are not words allowed at the YMCA."

Um, how does one respond to this? I almost fell off my chair laughing! Andrea, the mom, looked dumbfounded, obviously concerned about her child and his choice of words. She too started laughing.

Sometimes, you just have to laugh and deal with reality later.

A Special Kind of Meeting

I think I have some sort of funk in my brain. By that, I mean that I have a feature that I don’t think is useful, but I love it because sometime it lets me relive some of my most fun days. 

Feature: I can remember a LOT of things. Specifically, names, first meeting, songs in relation to events, crazy amounts of celebrity trivia, etc.

Somehow I feel like me knack for building things quickly is related to this, but I have not quite ironed out how it relates. Anyway, in my mind they are related. 

What's so fun about this is, I can remember, in great detail, what it was like when I first met my friends. Additionally, I can remember names of all the people there. 

Even stranger is to know that I have dreams about those exact meetings as if my brain is trying to remind me over and over, not to forget. Like when we moved from the house I grew up in, I had dreams for about 2 months, and now every so often, about where all of our old stuff was in the house. I start out at the front door, and I go to every room making sure that everything is there. Crazy, right?

Here is where I find it handy and beautiful, when I remember meeting a greet friend. 

Last week my dear EP emailed me some news that dumbfounds me. It makes me scream and burst into tears. As I read her ever-positive words and grew jealous, just as she would have wanted me, of her new boobs to come, I never felt like I need a nap more than ever. I crawled into bed and wrapped myself up in my duvet tightly, as if I was hugging EP and feel asleep.

I dreamt of her and the day we first met. 

I was a nanny for the worst mother in the world. She was terrible and it would take days to compile a post that explains her, but that would be wasted time and space. That is how hideous she was. Anyway, I was splitting my hours with Melissa and I brought Payton and Avree over to a new friends house for a play date. I drove over a little apprehensive because I was 19 and having a play-date with older women and all of their children. When I walked in, I was bombarded by a little firecracker, Miss Joan. She instantly pulled on my hand to come meet "Finny." While balancing two small children in my hands, I made my way down the hall to Lisa's living room. I put the diaper bag on the floor and looked up to a blonde woman sitting criss-cross-applesauce on the floor. She was beaming at the little cubby red-haired baby in her lap and instantly introduced herself, "Hey, I'm Emily." Done. Friendship started.

We chatted for hours and even set up plans for me to start watching her children. I felt instantly bonded with her and she was so unlike anything the Samammish Plateau had offered thus far. I soon found out that it was CO I had to thank for my new friend, not Samammish. 

After a few months, EP and I became great friends. She would talk about how much she missed her family and how much she loved her sister. I would join, and I honestly think it was the love for our sisters that sparked our lasting friendship. Soon I had to include her in my family, and she fit in so well. It was a perfect chance meeting and my dream took me back to that one fine day.

Over the years, EP has become much more. I love her children so very, very much. I think of her as an extension of my family. We both are crazy about our sisters. We love smutty magazines and good literature. We need warm cups of tea and delicious chocolate. Bad TV is our friend as well as swanky restaurants and amazing food. This is what we have talked about for the last 6 years. This is what has made me treasure that time and chance meeting with this blonde girl from CO.

Here is to missing you EP.

They Come in 3's, right?

Bad things, they come in 3's so I have heard. Okay, well 3 is ENOUGH!!!! This girl can't handle anymore bad. Can I just have some good?

1) Bad boss thing that is upsetting that I am freaking out!
2) Worst cramps of my LIFE this literally waking me up at night and radiating my body!
3) A ticket for running a red light at $125! Seriously???:(

I'm done.

Will.I.Am: Part 2

Last night we finished packing up everything at the Queen Anne apartment. We decided to leave the cats for last because we didn't want them hot and bothered while we moved and rearranged. So, around 8p last night we made our last round. On the car ride over, Dave explained to me with ample hand gestures and graphic noises, his experiences while trying to get Will in his cat carrier. We both agreed that with sensitive subjects for Will, I am better at negotiating and that I will try round 2 for the cat-in-carrier task. 

We open the front door, and I see Will being as cute as ever. He was brushing his body all over the place and loving the lack of furniture. But, when Dave stepped in the door, he dashed into the bathroom. Dave looks at me with a "Yeah Right" face, and I assure him that I am the cat whisperer. 

I walk in the bathroom, and Will has opened a cabinet and gotten inside. This isn't a regular cabinet, it's unfinished so the left side sits next to the tub and he has wedged his body in-between the ply wood and the tub. More or less, I needed to think fast because I was not going to be able to get him out on my own. Also, Dave and I were SO exhausted after moving, building, painting, and so on, that at 8:30 on our last night, we did not find this entertaining at all. So much so, that Dave suggested smoking him out and I considered it for a second. Or maybe a minute.

Anyway, I turn on the bath water full blast to scare Will enough to get him out, and....it worked!!!! Then, he runs into our bedroom and the task really begins. I buttered him up with love and cuddles, making him think I am the best Mama ever, when I pick him up. His body stiffens for a second and I reply, "There's a bug." This a phrase he knows well and gets very excited for, while instantly looking at all four corners of a room to find the bug. While looking for the bug, I walk over to the carrier and I gently guide him like it was more of a suggestion. When I noticed he was going to reject my suggestion and I needed to make his body in the carrier a requirement, he freaked out by back-peddling his feet and hissing franticly at me. Scared to death, of my own little Will, I immediately dropped him to meet Dave's glance that said, "Oh yeah right, like you thought it was that easy!" 

Plan B. Will in the bedroom with only the carrier and us. We tried to promise him the world and all snacks he desired, yet all he could say was FUCK OFF in hissing and growling. Will jumped up on the window ledge and planted himself there screaming obscenities at us for 20 minutes. Dave grabbed a long pole and was nudging him off the ledge with great force because Will's had feet turned into concrete and his body is not so light. Once on the ground, I realized that the carrier was not going to happen. I told Dave to get a moving box and he looked at me like I just told him that we should breed Will and raise all of his evil spawn babies. 

Dave gets a box and Will is intrigued. He loves boxes and now is some-what interested in his wacky parents that just turned the worlds worst game of carrier into fun box play. Even so, he doesn't budge. Again, Dave grabs his lion-taming-pole and gentling forces him into the box. Just then, Will turned into a Bengal and politely refused. Backed into a corner, we then decided to put the box up to the wall and let him go in on his own but with a little bit of force. 

Important to note: This is where Dave and I had a serious discussion about the methods used. Really, were we putting our cat in a box? Similarly, we wondered quietly to ourselves, and later revealed, I wonder if the new apartment owners like cats? Nonetheless, we proceeded in putting our cat in a box with a pole.

Once the box created a barricaded against the wall with Will in it, we were relieved. But, now came the kicker, "Now what?" We had no idea how to get him from the sideways box against the wall, to a closed box with a happy cat inside. Whilst thinking, my crazed cat said "screw this" and pushed over the box to seek refuge in the bathroom. 

The bathroom was much easier to strategically get the cat in the box. Once in there, Dave used his circus pole and I worked my magic and voile la, cat-in-a-box! We quickly closed the top and put it right side up and just starred in wonder at the freak show in front of us. The box was growling, hissing, and making weird throaty noises I have never heard of. Then, it started moving. I cut some holes in the sides and arm would come through and lash out at nothing. When you looked into a hole, all you saw was the iridescence of his eyes. I had crazy in a box and was terrified of my sweet little baby I loved so much.

After seeing that show, Fluffy gladly walked into the carrier on is own. On the ride over, Will was crying and sounding like my little baby again. We got him through his new front door and Dave and I discussed how we wanted this transition to take place. An anonymous vote decided that we should open the box and run. We let Fluff out and he walked around like a perfect bit of feline perfection and then we pulled the tape on Will's box. Silence from inside the box and outside the box. We pulled back the 4 flaps to reveal my little love in the corner. I was going to reach in, when he hissed at us like I have never seen. I think it lasted 30 seconds and it was followed by a swat and he jumped out from the box going directly under the sofa. Right. 

For the next 3 hours, every time  you walked by, sat near, looked at, talk about, or thought about the underside of the sofa, he would lash his arm out to get you and scream obscenities for about 5 minutes. Fluffy tried to comfort him but only got a clock in the head. He took it gracefully and walked away giving Will some space. We had other errand to run so we decided to leave the wildabeast under the sofa and shower Fluff in love and head out. 

When we returned, we found a very curious Fluff following us everywhere and panting because of the heat and his hectic day, and Will exploring. We tried not to make a big deal of it and we soon discovered that he doesn't want to be friends with us right now. We know this because of the language he was using. 

Last night, Fluff slept with us ALL night. No sign of Will.

This morning, I awoke to a very friendly Will. Rubbing and following my everywhere and I was quite shocked. I got some food, let them out on the balcony where Will quickly noticed the tree and started chewing on it, then came inside and barfed it up on the carpet. Ahhhh, I miss hardwood floors! Then I realized, he's hungry. We tried to find their food last night, but we couldn't and figured they would be okay for the night. So, he was out and about exploring because his fat ass was hungry! Brilliant!!!!! Now he is wondering around saying, "Where the hell is the food in this new place?" while making me happy because he isn't under the sofa yelling at me! Although, now I am nervous to feed him because I fear I will never see him again, until he is scratching my eyeballs out in the middle of the night, scorning me for the box fiasco.

Note of advice: When moving, take away the cat food the day before so your cat is hungry when you get to your new place. They will be searching for hours, thus exploring and getting used to their surroundings. 

The Past 3 Days

Things I've Loved:

1. The warm weather

2. My at loves to be in the freezer which makes us both happy

3. Moving to a cheaper apartment

4. The quiet in my new surroundings

5. Spending time with my Mom painting

6. Living by Michael and Mallory

7. My new organizational tools from The Container Store

8. New Furniture from Dave's Mom

Things I don't Really Love:

1. Sweating so bad that Dave and I both took about 4 showers a day and my cat were literally panting!

2. My cat loving the freezer so much that he is planted in front of the fridge daily scratching at the door waiting for me to put him at ease in the heat. 

3. Having to paint

4. Trying to fit all of our new furniture in our home and figuring out what piece doesn't make the cut

5. Having to spend 1 hour on getting Will in his carrier...more on this later, this requires a separate post.

In all, we like it! I think I can handle not living o the Hill, but I will throughly miss it! Come see my new house....

Eat, Pray, Love

I received this book ages ago and devoured it in a day. Happily, I just found out it is to be a movie! Not just any movie, a movie starring Julia Roberts. I throughly enjoy her films. She is like daisies or ice cream from the carton....always smiling, welcoming, and guaranteed to create a bounce in my step. This is one book-to-film I am excited to see!

Similarly, how exciting is it that I read Julia Child's book in Paris a few months ago, only to see last night that there is a Julia Child's film coming out in August! And, Meryl Steep and Amy Adams are in it! I just love when there are several movie options out...it feels like December when all the good movies are out but without the 90 degree weather!

Also along these lines, Dave and I have been trying to become more fiscally aware, and we have taken to it grandly! We DO NOT eat out unless it is on the weekend and only once. We create mean plans every Sunday (snaps to Mrs. Smith for the idea!), and we have been cooking together every night! I so look forward to our chaos in the kitchen as we navigate through another phase in our relationship called: downsizing! What fun it has been looking forward to dinner...

Because of our dinner nights, I feel closer to Dave, like we have achieved something together. It is just one more element of our life together that I haven't stopped to appreciate. We love food. We love grocery shopping. We love cooking in our tiny and intensely hot kitchen. Who knew I would fall more in love with Dave over polenta?!

When was the switch?

Last night I jolted awake at 3am hearing an odd combo of Enya meets The Cranberries blaring in my window. I tried, half awake, to discover where and what apartment it was coming from and while doing so, woke Dave up as well. We discovered, after turning on every light in the house and now fully awake, that the noise was coming from one floor up and one apartment over. I finally put my glasses on to see that the culprit had all of her (assuming it is a "she" by the music selection) lights were on and she was dancing around with ALL of her windows open. I calmly opened the window and screamed slightly for her to turn it down or close her windows. She did not respond, rather from the apartment across from us came billows of laughter and agreement that the lady should turn it down.

Being polite but rather frustrated, we closed all of the windows and tried to sleep. I tossed and turned while both Dave and I have each others hands cupped over our ears. Again, I jerked up with a brilliant idea! Earplugs!!!! I ran to the bathroom and searched for our Paris First Class bags and found empty cases because Mrs. Smith and I used them whilst in our Paris loft....rats!!!

I try again to lay and be peaceful until I realize that she is playing the same 3 songs over and over and over again! UGH:( Finally I get so annoying to Dave that he starts to put clothes on to knock on her door. Grumbling the whole way, I sweetly thank him and wait for the noise to cease.

YEAH!!!! Dave is the hero! She doesn't answer the door, but turns the music waaaaayyyy down and I can finally sleep soundly. It was 4:15am.

Fast forward to this morning, one of my favorite kids at work hit her hip on the playground. She gets an ice pack and comes to sit in my office while I am on the phone, talking loudly, emailing, and using an annoying and always loud walkie-talkie. I turn around 3 minutes later, and she is fast asleep in the chair with an ice pack to her hip.

I am mystified! When did I loose the ability to fall asleep anywhere with any sort of noise? I miss that and I don't even remember when I was able to do that! She slept for a good 45 minutes, woke up, told me the ice pack was warm, that when her dad was in her grandma's tummy he had a dog named Sparky, and off she went. A-m-a-z-i-n-g! Wish I still had it in me:)

Will.I.Am

On Friday I helped my amazing ex-boss out and watched her 3 girls for the afternoon. They are 3 of the sweetest, kindest, fun kids ever (Miss Joan and Finny still reign as #1). I brought the girls over to my house because they have heard and seen so many pictures of the boys and wanted to see the kitties. 

They walked into the door and Fluffy was all about it! I could hear his little, I mean really little, mind screaming, "Yeah 3 more people who can pet me!!!" Meanwhile, I look over to Will and his ears instantly plastered back and he got fluffy tail....ummmm, ok. We walk down the hall only to catch his enormous body flattening and squeezing underneath the sofa. Right, point taken, Will does not like kids. 

And there he stayed until 20 minutes ago. 2 and 1/2 days later!!!! That's right, my cat pouted all weekend and would NOT come out from underneath the sofa. It didn't matter that I was showering Fluffy in attention, laying out every treat imaginable, or offering people food, no matter, my cat would not budge. We would lean down and shove toys and he would literally bat them back out at us, as to say, "Fuck OFF!!!!" 

Now that he is out, he is wondering around like "Hey, now where is all that delicious shit you planned on giving me, but I had to make my point very clear?" We are currently giving him anything and everything he wants in order to keep him out from under the sofa. I think our neighbors across the way who can see in our apartment think we are very odd as they are watching us follow him around like a two year old does it's mother. I am currently my cat's obedient slave. How sad.

Must run, my Sofa Cat is demanding attention and snacks while threatening sofa time if his needs are not met RIGHT NOW!

A Stick in My Wheel

After a Friday night of pure fun, I awoke on Saturday morning feeling a bit groggy. No worries, I have more fun to do! Wrong! By 9 pm with my best friends ever celebrating my birthday, I was a mess. My head felt like bowling ball, by body was shivering, and my nose had turned into a hose. I came home, promptly put on all the sweat pants I own and shivered Michelin man self to sleep. 

3:24 am, I'm awake because I am literally sweating away my body fat because I have so many clothes on. 

4 am, still not asleep it must be the snot running down my face and the cracked lips. Fun.

Finally I wake up to go out to breakfast with Deb and Tarilyn only to be Debbie Downer because I still feel like I am underwater and sweating like a whore in church. We go to the Sounders Game where I decide that jersey or no jersey, I now remember why I don't wear synthetic fibers. Now, off to Steve and Pam's for another birthday celebration and I am taking a nap through appetizers and downing cold tablets like meth addict during dinner. 

Monday morning. I'm exhausted because I have only slept for 3 hours with an adorable cat on my chest compressing my lungs just a bit more than they already are. Awesome. What a girl will do for a cat on her chest. 

Go to work, only to snap at Kim Hood and having a echo/humming noise in my ear for 3 hours. Finally, I drag my sorry-ass home and sleep for 6 hours and get some homework done. Is this the universe saying slow down or i'll make you slow down? Or, is this punishment? I hate karma....hopefully this is a 3 day cold and I am on the upside:)

Could do with, Could do without

5 Things I could have done without this week:

1) A phone call that should have ruined my week, but alas, I have learned to expect nothing, therefore feel nothing. 

2) 60+ hours of work, moving, closing a site, and caring for very sad children. That kicked my ass and my feet hurt really bad.

3) Only seeing Leslie once when I wanted to see her every day of the week!

4) Having a stupid amount of homework due and really not having time for it. 

5) Knowing that I am going to run like a mad woman tomorrow as I turn 25 and not being able to throughly enjoy it:(

5 Things I could NOT have done without this week:

1) Dave helping my in anything and everything I did this week because he knew we wouldn't be able to spend time together, instead he did all the bitch work right beside me.

2) Seeing Leslie today!

3) Setting up our new site for the summer and knowing that it looks amazing and feeling like this could be the best summer for some kid in W. Seattle and I get to be a part of it!

4) Although this week with be equally crazy, Annie is in town and I get to do a lot of fun family things!

5) Today. Today I get to be with all of my people and celebrate birthdays, Father's Day, and everything in between. I really love that I get today!

The Woes of a Grad Student

Sorry, it has been too long. Want the fill-in of what I have been doing? Well, it's really simple: worrying like a mad woman about how is God's green earth people afford to live while in school. Recently Mrs. Smith posted about how she contributes to society yet there are no benefits for her and so on, and I agree completely. How is it possible that our country pushes me to go to more school and more school, yet my punishment is financial ruin? I am hanging in by a thread, literally. I have contemplated the unimaginable to make ends meet for me, yet I know the real rough patch is yet to come. One word for you: internship. Three long, rough, demanding, scary, unpaid internship semesters of HELL. 

Let me break it down further: 

I have no job in September.

I have an internship that I still need to find that starts in January and must last for THREE semesters, the equivalent of 9 months! U-N-P-A-I-D!!!!!!!!!!

I have to move because I can no longer afford my rent.

I have had to rely financially on Da and I hate putting him in that position.

I'm turning 25 next week and I feel like a 4th grader.

To top it off, all of this combined makes me feel like I am on the verge of a nervous breakdown. 

How do I afford life?

The Things About You Both

1. You made us breakfast every morning from the first day of kindergarten to the last day of high school.

2. You chose to take crazy teens to Europe on your vacation time. Not once, but several times!

3. Every scar and hard time belongs to you because you got us through it.

4. The large educational accomplishments are 30% yours and 70% mine because you make me value it the way you do.

5. Your feelings don't get hurt when I ask you to stop rubbing my hand but keep holding it.

6. You were never asked, forced, or bribed into your role, you took it upon yourself and I feel so lucky.

7. I have your smile, eyes, hair, and boobs. I see you every time I look into the mirror.

8. I have your curiosity, tenacity, need for seclusion, discovery, and odd talent of making everything into a jingle.

9. You put my needs and aspirations before your own for years. I don't know selflessness like you do.

10. You are my best friend.

11. You taught us how to love our sisters.

12. You taught us to appreciate what we have, but strive for more.

13. We know independence because of you

14. If shit hits the fan, I call you and you will help me calm down and fix it. No questions asked.

15. When It comes down to it, I can't imagine my life without you two. I am completely certain if it wasn't for your constant devotion, getting in my business, and love, I would be a failure. My life is a testament to you, my life is yours. 

Happy Mother's Day to the best Mothers one could have.

Stagnation

I have the feeling as if nothing is going anywhere. My school, job, everything is on pause. Why? It might be because I have been on fast-paced auto-pilot for the last semester and now that it is over, life feels slow. Or, it might be that now that everything has slowed down, I am now able to understand just how mundane and blah my life is right now.

Fact: My job is going now where, literally. As of September, I have no job.

Fact: I still have one more grueling year of school that requires SO much time driving that I contemplate skipping and stopping by one of the several casinos I pass on my way down to my educational nowhere, called Lacey.

Fact: Boyfriend and I have the itch to move, do something more, but we cannot. Not because there isn't anywhere that interests us, but because we have NO money whatsoever to make us more happy with where we are. Everyone around us is moving on and up and we are stuck. Nothing bugs me more than two educated, capable, and motivated people without options because of money.

Fact: I want so badly to be successful and not worry about money. I hate saying this, but I would be so much happier if that was one thing I didn't have to worry about.

Final Fact: I am very, VERY blessed. I have people that love me and I love them. I have a home that is filled with laughter and kindness. I have two very adorable kitties that are the sweetest as can be. My family is glorious and life would be incomplete without them. I have constant love and support from Dave who is kind and respectful beyond words. My friends are friends that stories could be written about. They are tough, loving, and awe inspiring. I am lucky.

Stagnation sparks frustration, anger, and boredom. I am not ungrateful, just hoping for more.

When does the "more" begin?

I Still Love Bacon.

We had a discussion with the Y kids about the recent spread and it was interesting to hear their perspective. Each kid had received second hand info from either their parents, teachers, or peers and I could not believe the massive amount of false information they received. They were terrified! Each kids thought they were next to choke all while calling it sPine flu (my giggles here). 

Me: You mean sWine flu? 

Y Kids: No, I mean sPine flu! 

Me: Right.

This made me wonder, do any of these people feeding children false information know that they have a better probability of getting in a car accident, or say shot? For several decades people have died of the flu and now all of the sudden we are worried about it? I'm not sure I get it.

Nonetheless, I refuse to be held hostage by the flu, or any form of it. I could die right now, or yesterday, or tomorrow. Maybe the flu, maybe lightning, who knows. Everyday we step out into the world we run the risk of being the victim of it. But, every moment spent outside of it and closed in, is a moment wasted. They say "Life is Short," I don't plan on wasting it inside and anxiety ridden; I have bigger pigs to fry. 

My final point: I get that this is serious, and I understand that awareness and practicing proper hygiene is grand, but settle yourselves America. We have AIDS, West Nile, Ebola...the flu is the flu, is the flu.   

ABC Family

I love a good teen movie almost as much as I love a good teen show. Lately, I have been using the excuse that I want to know "my kids and what their into," but seriously, I'm lying. I just LOVE awkward moments, ugly kids, and teenage conversation. I started watching The Secret Life of an American Teenager and I can't get enough. It is terrible, TERRIBLE television, but it is a train-wreck I just cannot take my eyes from. Dave painstakingly watches with me, huffing and puffing throughout the entire show. So now that the season is over, I have started to scope out my new cheesy, god-awful, embarrassing show. Unfortunately, my shitty-show standards are set rather high and nothing has caught my eye, until tonight. A MADE FOR TV MOVIE!!!!! Not only does it have an awful title, My Fake Fiance, but it also has Melissa Joan Hart and, wait for it,.......JOEY LAWRENCE! I'm half way through it now, and it has not disappointed. It sucks with wonderfully awkward acting and a stupid plot! Thank you ABC Family:) 

PS They have a show called Greek and their logo is a HUGE red keg cup. Is it just me or is that a tid-bit inappropriate?

This Much I know is True.

I'm reading It Sucked, and Then I Cried, by my favorite outside-family blogger, Heather Armstrong. Here is what I have learned:

A) I don't want to have kids for at least another decade or two. Actually, maybe never!

B) I have to stop trowing things at Dave immediately or I too will require hospitalization.

C) Heather and I are scared of the exact same things.

D) Every location has it's downside of living there. Although I am IN LOVE with Seattle, sometimes I do wish it wouldn't rain every second. After the 7th month, it stops being endearing and starts becoming God's evil way of punishing all the liberals who live here. Heather loves Utah, but it is packed with Mormons like sardines in a can. Babies, everywhere, holy underwear, and weird names...I understand the sacrifices we all make to live where we do. Look at the sacrifices we are making with a little more rain and some really interesting religious folk, that's worth something!

E) I need her to write more and more and MORE because she normalizes a lot of realities that women everywhere are dealing with. *I am putting  on my therapist hat now* She does a fantastic job of owning her feelings, her disappointment, and basking in the glory of being a wonderful mother, that her children can be proud of, by asking for help. I love the raw and sobering reality she discusses called, parenthood. Plus, she's really funny...

Anyway, I require you all to go out and purchase this book. I of course, like all of my good literary ideas, got this one from EP!  Read Dooce.com as well, you will wet your pants daily!

Trying it on for Size

As I near the end of my schooling, by near I mean one year left, I have found myself playing "house" with my soon-to-be title as therapist. Evey once and a while I find myself taking everyday concerns and complaints and analyzing them, weighing the options, then suggesting theoretical perspective. I am not sure if I am bothering people or have become overwhelming in regular conversation, but I think I love it. It came on suddenly and completely by surprise, I can talk therapist now!

Sweet Nostalgia

I'm one of those people that use music to catalog times in my life. Fro the past few years, I have left my radio dial on NPR, talk radio, or some other form of liberal talk radio. Every now and then I will go back to my roots and try out the FM dial and see what takes me back.

On the way home from school today, I made the switch, FM. I don't remember any of the saved buttons, so I just picked and it was country. Country music and I have had a long-standing relationship and it took me back as I drove from Olympia to Queen Anne. 

Boots, nachos, a Mom-made number that, of course, matched Mrs. Smith, the Goodwin's, and blisters on our toes made up our Thursday nights as a child. Our family would country line dance until all hours and to be honest, I cannot remember anything more fun. We learned every dance under the sun and made memories that will last my lifetime. Brooks and Dunn takes me back to Gerry Andels.

Ridin' shotgun in my dad's big red truck going to Eastern Washington. Driving the hour to Cle Elem with the country music blaring, windows down, and Garth drooling through the back window. George Straight takes me back to Elk Height Rd.

Horses, flannel, felt hats, spurs, Brian Dziedic, and clowns surrounding me at the Ellensburg Rodeo. Watching my parents hand-in-hand as we cheered on Grandma Ruby's horses that won the horse shows. Making fun of the matchy-matchy couples with fringe and ironed on decals. Reba McIntire takes me back to July in Ellenburg with corn on the cob.

She got her car first and it was not glamorous. Dani drove a white Ford Taurus, but no matter, it was our ticket to freedom. Both of us were jobless, relying on our parents for gas money. We never actually drove anywhere particular, but we would scrounge up change from her sofas and her brothers jeans and head out. We would put $1.50 in the tank and feel like we owned the streets. Tim McGraw takes me back to Dani's car and dating the Reynolds’s brothers.

It was 1999, the year I grew out of Mrs. Smith's clothes and we became friends again. With several bags of chips, many boxes of Milk Duds, and dozens of blankets in hand, we would drive down Highway 167 towards the corn fields of Auburn for a long night in front of the drive-in big screens. We were parked there every weekend that summer and that is where she started to like me again. We formed a friendship that year over Milk Duds and scratchy movie lines played over the radio. Deanna Carter's Strawberry Wine takes me back to discovering I really enjoyed this girl with whom I have spent my life with.

We were so sad, she and I. We lost our family, or dog, and now our home we grew up in. I drove Mrs. Smith back to school and we listened to a great song. It brought tears to our eyes and we held hands until I dropped her on the front step of Kappa Delta. She squeeze, I squeeze and she left. The Judds, Love Can Build a Bridge takes me back to the feeling of not being alone anymore. The understanding, that Mrs. Smith got it too. She knew what it was like and knew that things would never be the same. We were both going though something larger than life. The world stopped spinning for just a moment.

I had just left San Berna-ghetto and moved into the Long Beach house. I met this girl in my psych class and I only introduced myself to her because she had cute clothes on. Her name: Mallory. Fast friends, she was the quintessential California girl. She moved in and a second later we had music blasting tanned bodies, ate too many chips with salsa, and sat all day with Millie on the hammock. Gretchen Wilson takes me back to the fun times of California spending it with the sweetest girl I have ever met.

My relationship with Country music has been glorious. I love the intoxicating way that each song is a story and relatable. The genre itself, is so embracing. It includes musicians across the board from pop, to rap, to rock. It has no boundaries and it excludes no one. They have little drug abuse and minor family drama. They write honest and strong songs about their families, friends, women, and beer. Hey, I even heard them advertising to give away Britney tickets and rodeo tickets within 5 minutes of each other! Can you say welcoming? There are critics far and wide that detest Country music (Annie) but I just love the way it tells my story.

And we're off!

We leave on a jet-plane today for Cozumel! I can't wait and my stomach is in knots. Luckily, Mrs. Smith gave me drugs so I can survive the flight:)

Have a great week and see you next Monday:)

March Madness

I have been SO crazed with preparation for how busy March was going to be that I forgot to blog about it. Here's whats been going down:

1) Today Dave and I have been together for 5 glorious years. Each day has proved to be more difficult and perfect than the last. I love every moment being with him. I forget to remeber how lucky I am to have him by my side. Can I have a Anniversary Resolution?

2) We leave for Cozumel in 11 days and I'm literally dreaming about it's perfection. We need a vacation like a teen girl needs braces. C-A-N-T-W-A-I-T!!!!!

3) Dealing with the potential of losing my job because of school closures and gathering my resume. I hate this task, which is why I usually pass it onto my Annie, but I decided to be a big girl for the time being. I say that knowing that I have only spent all of 25 minutes on it and will probably call in the favor to her soon.

4) Freaking out because I just realized that I have no one to watch our cats for a week...oh boy.

5) Loathing my phone because it drops more calls than receives. Plus, T-Mobile keeps implying that some how I am the problem yet they are the service provider and their name is engraved in my phone. Stupid, stupid, people. UGH!

6) Potential mold is growing on one of my windows seals and our land lords neither cares, nor is good on returning calls. He suggested 409....WHA???? I am calming down before I inform him that mold is lethal, my babies (cats) are negatively effected by 409, and this is simply not my problem, it is his. Plus, it's icky. (For those of you viewing, don't judge harshly when I ask you to stay at my house and watch my cats) This makes me even more excited that Shannon, Mrs. Smith's lovely lady friend, might be moving and wanting Dave and I to watch/live in her house for 2 years! It seems like fate if I believed in such things!

7) I got 2 more beautiful rings to compliment the ring Dave gave me for Christmas. They are lovely and simple. We ordered our birthstones to be placed within the setting. We pushed up the timing of purchasing these because our hotel in Mexico offers a free honeymoon package that includes a LOT of stuff I want. I told them we were honeymooners and told Dave we need to make it look more legit. That translated to, 2 more rings please:)

8) Will has had a bad case of the Anthea's these days. All he does is barf and I finally found the source...wet food. He is a fat ass and all he does is eat, eat, eat and when I give him wet food to make is coat silky and smooth, he eats all of his and Fluffy's too. Thus, he barfs everywhere because he is incredibly full. I stopped giving him wet food, problem solved. (Again, if I ask you to watch them, no judgement. I already solved this problem)

9) My campaign for work is finally over. It was a HUGE pain in the butt and seemed to never end. I am so glad I made my goal and it is over:)

10) Finally, my mind has been preoccupied with all sorts of stuff this month and the latter half of this month I will be gone, so I guess, I'll see/talk to you all in April!

A Need for Clean

Dave discovered today that our vacuum doesn't work for shit. Wanna know how? He was dragging his feet on the carpet and found that his running shoes brought up a lot of cat fur. Not only is it funny that he found out that way, but he actually is fascinated and entertained by cleaning the carpets. 

I have now watched Dave for the past hour, rubbing his feet all over every inch of carpet in his boxer briefs and running shoes! Every few minutes he yells at me, "Honey, you just wont believe this amount of fur and how well this works!" The cats are beyond fascination, watching him at the end of he hall trying to find out what the hell he is doing. 

Boyfriend is so funny. He finds even the simplest discoveries glorious:) 

Need for Change

Again, I changed my background. I think it is the same as Mrs. Smith, but I needed simplicity. Going with this theme, change/simplicity, I feel the need to extend this theme to other parts of my life. I have now chosen to slim down on excess in all forms. My life has felt very out of my control and a sense of auto-pilot exhaustion. How do I do this you ask? I don't know actually. I am unfamiliar with changing and down-sizing, but I figure the first step is recognition.

I was in class last night, and one of my fellow classmates was talking about his need for change as well. He started what he called "life reform" when Obama was elected and started being more aware of how he affects the world around him. I was fascinated and a bit awe-struck. On my freakishly long car ride home, I reflected on why I feel like my life is only work/school/responsibility and rarely play/enjoyment. I didn't like what I felt. I came up with thousands of "but's" to all of my responsibility and I am unhappy with my excuses. I can excuse my way out of everything in my life when in actuality, I need to appreciate the people in my life more, enjoy experiences more, and do more for myself without feeling guilty. Thus I created a list, and now a public list, to inspire and push myself forward in making more time for those moments that make life wonderful, people who enrich my life, and memories that define one's existence!

1) Be with my family as much as possible.

These are the people who have shaped me and I am a better person because of them, therefore to continue in being a better person, I need more time with them. I know we get together on Sunday, but I want a family vacation, activities that we all attend, date nights, game nights, whatever, so long as time is spent in their presence.

2) Keep things interesting and spontaneous with Dave.

So often people get tired in the same routine and stress makes people lack effort. Dave deserves time from me, quality time. Time without stress, school, work, etc. conversation. I want date nights, butterflies, and giddiness. He deserves it and I sure as hell do too. We are a perfect pair and compliment each other exactly, but every relationship needs more and I refuse to let either of us feel "ok" with our relationship. I want amazing and terrific all the time. I am not unrealistic, but I need to know that even when we fight, that neither Dave nor I want to be anywhere else but with each other.

3) Keep school with school and work with work.

Stress about work AT work and no more, stress about school AT school and no more. I try and control my school and work outside of work and school and I am running myself ragged. What happens happens. Fact is: I am good at my job and I am a good student. My life is consumed with being preoccupied and worried about outcomes of school and work. It is out of my hands and all I can do is keep doing what I am doing without the worry.

4) Self Care

I hear over and over about self care in my profession and future profession. I really need to focus on being healthy both physically and mentally. Therapy, exercise, eating better, quality friend time, relaxing, family interactions, etc., all need to be worked into my schedule. Time is my biggest enemy and instead I need to befriend it and embrace it. I have all the time in the world, but I just need to pace myself and spend it wisely.

5) Have more of a forgiving nature.

I hold grudges, BIG TIME. Although I definitely cannot give this up completely because I feel it is a part of my personality, I can ease up and try. Forgiveness must be practiced, like riding a bike. Somethings, I just can't forgive, but other things that are insignificant I need to let go. If I can't let it go, I need to recognize what needs to happen in order to get to a place of forgiveness. In addition, I want to understand and apply the comparison of forgiveness vs. forgetting. Although I may not be able to forget, I can forgive. That needs to be a new mantra for me.

Most of who reads my blog fall under one of these categories. Hold me accountable to these pledges. I need help and I am not above asking for it. I want to radically change my standards and priorities. This is step one.

Weighing Options

I started therapy and I have two options now:

Option 1) I don't like her at all. In fact she bugs me and our sessions are very boring. She ended today's session say that we made great progress and it was very eventful. Wha? What session was she in? I was falling asleep wondering if her chunky and funky sweater was a poly-blend. Anyway, I could keep going for 8 more sessions that is required by school, being completely and utterly bored and unproductive the whole time, whilst wasting my time and hers. The reason for this: I can't bring myself to break it off with her. It is like a bad break-up...what do you say? I don't know how to tell her because anyway I put it, it just ends up being her that doesn't fit. I might have to suffer through the sessions to spare her feelings and my awkwardness.

OR

Option 2) Tell her it's over and start seeing a great therapist who really listens and knows what NKOTB is! But, in order to get to this option, I must say I don't like her or something of that sort. Ugh!!! Therapy is hard Barbie!

What to do, oh what to do?

A January to Remember

This month has pretty much been hell on wheels. Everything that could go wrong, has happened within this 30 days. My family has changed, my friends have changed, my work has changed, and my school has changed. Although I prefer it all happening at once rather than sporadically, I am not making these transitions a fluidly as before.

I have to thank all the family and friends who have tried to make this month a bit more bearable. Your support and strength has really kept me going. A special shout out to my one and only's, Kim Hood and Evee, I am too lucky to have you in my life. Thanks for the buds...they are beautiful!

I am wishing everyone a happy February...